又妄想了 Delusioning

Last Thursday we had a group meeting about our community service.
I waited for his presence, unconsciously.
He came late, he walked to another site which was far away from me, and walked back and sat 3 meters away from me in 3 o'clock direction.
He then busy talking in his phone and walked out of the meeting room.
Actually I felt uncomfortable that I always have the delusions of he is observing me, watching me, and I tended to take peeks on him.

So, followed his leaving, I walked to my laptop and sat there and online.
Since I always can not help in discussion.
I was 5 meters away from him in 4 o'clock direction.
He came back to the room, and again I felt that he changed his posture so that he can face me.
And I knew, that is delusion.
Later, he moved to my previous seat which is empty in this stage, and talked to CH, another guy in that group.


Today, we had another meeting, after class.
We were discussing the meaning of our Chinese name, I translated that his name as "Off light", hahahahaa!!!!
And along the presentation, "Off light" went to off the lights, hahahahaa!!!!
He was the one of the presenters, I was concentrating on what he presented, and I had not much feeling toward him.
Although I still care of his laugh his actions.

Today, there is no tension between me and him.
When the doctor showed the pieces of paper with break down of our result, he walked and stood behind our chairs, and it is like before, when we never have any conflict.

He seem like excited to receive the results and he showed us his result without reluctant.
He went away.
And he came back another time to ask for our results, he said:"(Siew Mun)You saw my result already should show yours la." I am not sure that if he called my name.
I quickly hided mine while Lyn showed him.
Cause I felt my result was not in my expectation.

And I flashed back his result and I wanted to analyze and compare our results.
I went to him and asked for an exchange before dismiss.
He interested in my result.
He did not believe that I will give him my real result, he said: "Is it some other else one??"
He took his result for his wallet, and he was afraid that if I got his result and I will not let him see mine.
And known that my arms are shorter.
He can approach my result easier than me.
And I need to make effort to reach his result that hold on his hand.

He was weak in this OSCE, others was nice and good, my weakness same with him, but I got much more lower grade.
I believe that last OSCE he got a good result, cause I did well.

And he said: "Why you always C C C??"
Then I looked at him, and use the small piece of paper to hit on his palm.
And I showed him the face of "I know you can get good result la =.=, Of course I am a C kaki, can not change."

He looked at me, and do not understand my expression.
Because I was not angry with his tease, I was in a good mood that I get a better grade in essay paper, although other papers like shit.

I decide to smile at him.
I knew, I need to have some strong stand and will to not fall in love again.

I like when we are like friends.