Writing Competition

I am not sure if i can get a price, cause what I wrote was a very general fact.

爱，可以深论，亦可浅谈。从伟大的爱国情操，对众生的博爱，对儿女的疼爱，对大自然的护爱，对动物的慈爱，至甜蜜的男女情爱。每个人对爱有着不同的诠释，但无可否认，普罗大众一听着“爱”，便会想起了恋爱至到结婚的全过程。市面上充斥着青春爱情偶像剧，男女情歌，甚至商业广告都在赞颂爱情，这助长着人们对爱情的憧憬。当现实生活中的恋情不如想象中那么美好，难免会让人觉得“啊！受骗了！怎么和我想的不一样？”

一段恋爱最甜美的时刻，是友达以上，恋人未满。你们很聊得来，滔滔不绝地像好久不见的朋友。你们也可以像兄妹般斗嘴，因为你们都知道你们不会生对方的气太久，况且打打闹闹是其中一种增进感情的方式。不过当有一方被别人欺负了，你们会齐心合力不让外人得逞，只因你们只允许彼此欺负。你们会为对方一句无心的话语而沾沾自喜；你们会为对方的吐属大方，穿着时尚而小鹿乱撞；你们会为对方面子书发布的状态而捕风系影；你们期待下一次的不期而遇；你们不会因为对方跟异性有亲密接触而妒火中烧；你们也不会因为对方不体贴不温柔而勃然大怒。

然，这个阶段总会过去，当你们认清双方的情感归属，你们处在一起了。热恋期总是甜蜜，你们一起做了很多事，创造了很多美好的回忆。情人眼里出西施，这时候不知怎的，忍让的幅度特大，大得直到后来，你钦佩当初的自己怎么熬过来的。爱情其实是一件吃力不讨好的苦差。两个人在一起，双方都要付出时间，金钱及精神。只有三方面的完美配合，才能造就一桩美好姻缘。况且，不是付出了，就可以得到回报。很多时候，情人认为付出了一切，却不是另一方想要拥有的。沟通，成了两颗心相连的桥梁。只有互相了解，懂得对方想要的是什么，自己能付出什么，互相协调，务必让双方对这段爱恋觉得值得了，感情才能持续，愈加如漆似胶。

人都是贪新鲜感的动物。当一段恋情稳定后，很多不拘小节的情侣，未有掩门，当面如厕，丑态原形毕露。虽说恋人迟早会成为家人，可如果可以在情人面前维持着优雅的气质，保有神秘感，这就延长了爱情的寿命。恋爱中的两人也需要有自己的个人空间和交友圈子。有共同的朋友群是件好事，你们会有共同的话题，一起出门见同一班朋友。可是毕竟有些话，有些事，不该传到对方耳里。这时倾述的对象就不该是你们共同的朋友。这还不谈小三，“三人行必有外遇”。当一方对恋情缺乏如热恋时一般的热情，甚至觉得沉闷厌倦，第三者就很容易在这时候趁虚而入。其实双方在对方不在自己身边时，都有很大的进步空间。出其不意的让情人讶异于自己的小改变。这些小小的改变让情人觉得焕然一新，是很有效的爱情保鲜。情侣之间的信任也很重要。当自己怀疑对方有出轨的迹象，那肯定是自己多疑了。一个人的自由不会拴在另一个人身上，如果一方要离开自己，他肯定不会多留一秒。请坚持直到情人亲口承认他爱上了别人，并且想要离开自己。那时候就让他得到他想要的幸福吧，强求下来的，不会是自己的。
       爱得轰轰烈烈，伤的深，也容易把情人给弄丢了，那不会是你想要的结果。想要拥有爱情，就必须学会容忍，装傻。面对背叛与欺骗时雍容闲雅，即保有了自尊与仪态，又留住美好回忆，何乐而不为呢？

Something about him

Ok, maybe not that he is famous until anything about him came into my ears, maybe because I always talk something about him to various people.
I got to know that he was down for months before New Year 2013, that's why Joe brought him for a celebration for new year eve.
I got to know that he was just playing when he asked HW as his date.
I got to know he likes to sing in the car, even without my presence.
He is just like to sing in the car to enliven the atmosphere in the car.

I thought he was down from March 2012 till July 2012??
And actually he was down after he started to talk to me?
Although I am not important to him, but as a girl who he hated, he supposed not to talk to me if he was down.
But he seem nice to me that time.
And I thought he was happy to meet his chocolate moouse, and I think she did made him happier.
Cause the purpose of her presence is to cheer him up.

He was trying his luck to get HW as his date.
He just want a pretty girl to be his side, even he knows his friend was into her.

Even if he was not driving, he will sing.
Even if there were only guys on the car, he will sing.
One of his interest is singing, ok, noted.
He was not expressing any feeling to anyone, or maybe Lyn.

He thought he got some black magic charms cause he was so unlucky that few months.
I think probably he got injured his knee and he got heavy flu.
And maybe he can not get Lyn as soon as possible cause he will be on operation and will not be around her for a month.

I think my chanting for him did help him, lol~
Hope that he is safe, hope that his operation is smooth, hope that he will be healthy soon.

I did think of him during the trip and hope he will be fine in everything.

Dreaming while shouldn't

I received message from QQ.
He asked me whether I went back from the event already.
I guessed he was searching me for photos when he was free yet cannot get me in his view.
So he told me his location and asked me to find him...
I felt there is someone who appreciates my existence.
While I was thinking of CKM, the great contrast that he was happily taking photos with girls, and I do not think he is ever thinking of me.

He told me people dying to take photos with him, yes, I agree.

He must be teased by friends when he took photos with Lyn.
He must be shy. He dropped his head, I know what it means.
Lyn looked at him like disgracing him, lol~
That is her facial expression only for him~

I felt like crying and sadness invaded my soul after I laughed at the moment I saw the comments people said that they are sweet couple...
But I did not.
It is a strong stimuli, but not as strong as direct hurts from his mouth and his actions.
This kind of rumors, pairing, or even if he really has a girlfriend, have become a routine of hurting me so frequently until I already adapted, and numb, for these information.
But that night, just because of the silly arguments, I cried thrice, I can not accept we were hurting each other face to face, saying out loud, quarreling out with violent words.
I just can not afford.
Is it the best way to avoid we hurt each other is to stay away from each other?

While the next night I dreamt of QQ.
We went out for buying something, actually he was following behind me for a walk even I just intended to go out by myself.
We talked and later he held my hand, what I felt from his palm is coldness, not electrifying shock.
I quickly took back my hand and smiled to him.
I did not clarify with him anything but I think the action can explain everything.
Even in my dream, I am waiting for CKM, and not giving a chance to QQ.
This is a dream related to the incident that CKM asked me to feel his palm warmness.

The second night, I dreamt of CKM.
Maybe I was worrying about my hostel thingy.
I was forced to move out from my own room and I have no place to stay except to share an apartment with CKM and Joe.
Of course they were roomates. I took another room.
He reluctant to let me invade his private space but he is still a considerate guy so he allowed it.
One day I opened their room door and I saw Joe was on CKM!!!
OMG, BL!!!
Although they were playing games, and I do not know why Joe was on him, lol~
And CKM always complain about my weaknesses, my flaws, my carelessness, blamed me for everthing and made me so frustrated.
Although he is not so bad in reality but it was so close already, lol~

The third dream, I was sharing the knowledge I had learnt.
He was one of the participants, yet he was trying to help me.
I do not know how, we were resting.
(I think I had relating the scene in Secret Garden that many people shared a room and slept on floor during training)
He was lying behind me...
His legs touched mine(of course we were well-dressed), and from mild touching and it slowly progressed to flirty.
We intertwined legs and playing with each other foot.
We became so in need for this intimate contact.(not sex, I am very pure, ok!)
I was nervous and anxious that he might just play around with me.
Then he kissed my head from back.
I stoned and later I kept silence and just accepted his kisses(on my occipital part of my head)
I convinced myself that he has feeling with me, with the risk that he might not.
(Haiz, I hope for his confirmation so much until I even dreamed of it... T.T)
Then the next time we met, I asked him, is it we even can not hold hands?
Then he just held my hand.
I can feel he treated me like I am fragile until he can not even dare to touch me, scared I might run away from him or scared he might hurt me.
(I even have to request for a hand holding... T.T)
We had a date.
Our common friend brought me to a place for an occasion, and he is the media for me and CKM and he arranged a meeting point for us.
Even though CKM showed that he has feeling on me and held my hand, I still have doubt and not confident that I am his girlfriend or I am just one of his flirting targets.
We met in front a lift, and I looked at him.
He just passed by like other ordinary days, like strangers who know each other's name, like he never do anything on me.
I felt I am stupid to believe and treated it seriously in his game.
I walked out of the building and I cried to the friend that I am such a silly girl who thought that what CKM had done is real and he will like me or treat me as the important girl in his life.
While I started to cry, I noticed the friend's sight and I turned my head, CKM appeared from behind.
He came with his smile.
He was just playing with me that he pretended like he does not care and he just wanted to surprise me.
He petted my head and then we happily hold hands and went for a date.
(I think I mixed the memory of he appeared behind me and disturbed me but I found out before he success on CCN rehearsal, cause I smelled his cologne.)

Actually all these dreams have some after events stories but I forgot already.

While today when I saw him, he was with his straight hair, looking at me while I was talking to other PBL mates, and I looked at him, we met our sight, but I shifted away after 2 seconds.
I might thought he was hoping something from me, but I hate being another Lyn.

I should smile at him, I should be nice with him.
While I sat with him during lunch, we did not talk.
He just teased me that I just came back but still unsatisfied with people who will going back tonight.
When I asked him whether he felt touching when received my photos, he said no.
Fine!

Cindy asked me why I chose to sit with him, she said she thought I had conflicts with him...
I silent and I did not know how to answer her.
I think she found out something, but I will never admit it.
Sometimes, when things are not under the sun, then it will minimize the harm if it turns out not worked well.

I just a girl who scared of post-traumatic stress...
Well, without his stimulation, since he was so cool to me, I do not feel anything for him now, lol~

Songs

Jacky Cheung Concert with 爱我别走.
CKM likes Jay's version, while I like original.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdixZ1MFRzc&feature=endscreen&NR=1


张信哲 太想爱你
In a messy city, even wind has no freedom.
On the busy street, I am the loneliest guy.
Am I being charmed by love? 
How I have such greediness thought again?
How much you love me?
Will it be long?
Will you leave me?

Even you look like obeying me, actually you loyal to yourself.
You wander along with love, never see you surrender.
I always make mistakes, like a busy spinning silly gasing, tiring.
Non-stop spinning, let it freely spin and I never control it,
I just cant stop it.

I want to love you so much, this is the thought that I cant endure.
I want to own your happiness, anger, sadness and moodiness.
You had occupied me, but you had not belonged to me.
How you want me not to guess what you are thinking about？
I want to love you so much, this is the torture that I cant bear.
Can I request you do not, do not choose to hide.
I just want to love you, I want to love you too much,
Is it I can just guess, just can guess is it your face in this heavy mist?


黄昏

过完整个夏天　忧伤并没有好一些
开车行驶在公路无际无边
有离开自己的感觉

唱不完一首歌　疲倦还剩下黑眼圈
感情的世界伤害在所难免
黄昏再美终要黑夜

依然记得从你口中说出再见坚决如铁

昏暗中有种烈日灼身的错觉
黄昏的地平线　划出一句离别
爱情进入永夜

依然记得从你眼中滑落的泪伤心欲绝
混乱中有种热泪烧伤的错觉
黄昏的地平线　割断幸福喜悦
相爱已经幻灭

First miss

This year is the time I finally can sit down and watch show but I missed it.
Lol, who asked AA does not have cheap flight on Sunday~
Lalala~~

I planned to revenge by taking photo with QQ but he was busy.
=.=
Ok, I admit I am childish.
Nevermind, I am still looking forward for his photos for the night.

Dream-Romance

Because of the junior asked me to massage him yesterday, I had a very long dream about CKM just now...
I only remembered that he compared me with Lyn.
He knew I like him but he does think he wants me this kind of girl as a girlfriend.
He tried with Lyn, and he found that maybe appearance is not everything in a relationship.
During one occasion, I tried to massage him, there were just me and him. (maybe same as yesterday scenario with QQ.)
He does not feel wanting me to massage him, and he requested for nonsense.
He asked me to massage his ankle, and I asked, where got people massage that part?
Then I think I can not control myself in the dream, and hugged him from the back around his neck (he was sitting in the dream.)
And he just allowed me to do that.
Next time we met, he came and approached me, and there was no other people existence.
He holds my hand, like it is an action that we should really do.
The next scene was I went to find him since we all took turns to get some quotes from each other, for remembrance.
He just wrote and acted like nothing happened before, that maybe everything was just a game.

Later Imran came back and took a note, that he wanted to marry to someone.
And it was actually my name which I never tell anyone, and it was the same with Lyn.
Lol, in the dream, it was "Xiao Fang."
He asked the girl to find him.
Then I went to find him, and he was waiting for me, in the same time, Lyn came and he promised me to tell clearly to her about their relationship.
We prepared for our wedding, but things were not going smoothly.
We went to a beach which he went to with his friends long time ago, and we found that one of his friends actually hide his feeling to me. (Lol... I think it must be QQ in reality)
So things changed and we might not have our marriage. (Plus in the dream I worry about my religious view and he might can not accept it.)
I hugged him tightly, feeling love, and feeling reluctant to separate from him, felling sad cause I have an instinct that we will separate soon.

The rest I forgot.
I think I brave to hug him from the first interaction in the dream cause in reality he did allow my rudeness and he can just accept everything I did to him.
No matter teasing, humiliating, pulled down his ego and things that might can hurt him.
Was him trapping for me to say it out?
Like last time?
And then again dumped me?
Is it he wanted to test whether I still have feeling to him so that he can feel superior?

I scared.
I can not bear the risks, the consequences anymore.
I can not lose him, at least we can be friend.

No way, if anyone wants me, he have to make effort to get me.
Since the junior took actions, I should just see what will happen if a guy wants a girl.
Maybe one day I can accept QQ like how I love CKM.
(Cause in the dream he does not even need to ask and I massaged him, hugged him but in reality QQ asked and requested for many times but I am still calm and not feeling to doing it.)

BE STRONG!

Free show

I went to dinner with Cindy and Jesslyn.
Later I went to the rehearsal with Cindy, later met KY, WP, ZL and all other forth year guys.
I watched comedy, quite a disappointment, lol~
I saw QQ since I just sat down, he was talking to Alfred.
I saw him there too.
He was discussing something with others.
Later MH came and asked us about Lyn and CKM.
He threatened us like thing goes very wrong.
He said he inboxed CKM and told him about the comment.
CKM just replied him "Jiak Lak la."
MH actually wanted to get information from us.
Luckily I clever enough to say I do not know how their progression and how they really did.

Lol, MH used quite a good strategy, scared us then asked us to tell.
Cause I asked him how serious the problem, and he said how come not yet on and the rumors came like a truth.
So, I think this is just his perception of our joke.
And luckily I met them the day after I posted the comment then I know both of them did not angry with me.
Actually I being loved by both of them and I am comfortable now cause no matter how I am naughty, they both still forgive me...
I thought they treated me bad and was I mad or what?
If they are not my friend, will they just be so nice with me?

MH asked if Lyn really likes CKM very much, I said I do not know.
They did not tell me anything.
(This is true.)

Then I continued watching the show, and I kept searching for him.
Maybe he sensed that and he came to my back.
I smelled something, maybe it was just a reflex or what, I am very sensitive to smell.
I turned my head and I saw him, he was trying to take MH's hand to prank me.
He smiled happily when he saw me realized his presence.
Then he walked away and he walked to my front to say "Hi" to someone.
Or he just wanted to appear in front my view?

He was talking to Ken and friends since then till when I went out.

Another thing is, I saw QQ played his role with good responsibility.
He incharged for the props for his comedy, and he ran out from backstage to hold the fan and for windy effects.
He also pushed out the "ghost" with skateboard, lol~~
Very cute and he was trying very hard to play his role as a director.
Especially with his blue hairband.
Hahahaaa~~~

I cooked after I came back.
And I had leaved 2 hard boiled eggs, and I asked him if he hungry.
He met me at the cafe.
We chatted and he asked me to massage him, to take off my glasses, to put his hairband on my head.
He wanted to tell me ghost stories and I stopped him.
He wanted to cheat me that my face got something.
I insisted to say "No" for many many many times.
And before going back, he wanted to come near me, and I found place to draw off, avoiding his approach.
And lastly he gave up, and let me escaped from him.

Is it the first time I am so obviously being flirt?
And I can see into his eyes?
If it was CKM, I can not look into his eyes...
Especially if Lyn is beside...

Crying

Cindy saw me cried for him before, and yesterday was the second.
I cried when I bath after back to room, let the shower covers my crying...
I just can not stand that we did silly arguments, and I feel so bad.
Then I told to Jeslyn in their room, and again the feeling raised and I cried again.
Just now, I flashed back the stupid impulsive acts, and I cried again...

I seldom feel anger and rarely do these immature actions...

Yea, no one will rescue me when I get his teases, and no one care about it.
Only me.

Silly

He straightened his hair, although I teased him a few times that his hair wont become straight even he kept comb it.
Although I knew he tried to close with me when we took group photos.
I just felt upset when he did not take photos with me, and he teased me about my weakness which I really care.
Maybe we will never be friend.

And he did not allow me to go on his car, yea right, he can fetch anyone but not me.
I should just close the door and call a taxi from the beginning.
I should not thought that I should go on his car at the first place.

This is really hurt, and he really an expert to make a girl cry.

Found that Fiona purposely asked YY to sit with KM, and I did show suspicious face to KM..
And she took this photo during photo session~

Heartaching

大街上擦肩而過　我居然沒勇氣回頭

雖然可能認錯臉孔　雖然沒什麼
怎麼心跳停了　半秒鐘

回憶不由自主放送　我試著按下暫停鈕
都已經過了那麼久　就別再折磨

看起來平靜的生活　原來是我不懂

我還是愛著你　我還是念著你
連我也不相信自己　我怎麼學不會忘記
我還是愛著你　為什麼我不甘心
如果沒有擁有就沒有失去　那為何我還會傷心

回憶裡的人不會犯錯　回憶的人才會覺得錯過
而如果那些如果　真的發生過
那些畫面　那些重播　是否還讓人心痛

我還是愛著你　我還是念著你
連我也不相信自己　我怎麼學不會忘記
我還是愛著你　為什麼我不甘心
如果沒有擁有就沒有失去　那為何我還會傷心


The best thing 'bout tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Oh, but hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind! 

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

Stupid

I knew I should not be angry, but I did.
I will not go on his car anymore.
I do not want to see him anymore, except for the last day of our clinical block.
Hopefully he will skip it or what.

Please, let me be calm, please~

Fun

Things happened after he came to mock presentation.
He was presenting, asked for claps. Lol, okok, I am kind of very supportive~
After the presentation, we teased him.

1. I teased him, he is only using "Ci La Kak", not creative, and he said, "Do not force me to use that word!"
2. When Thban used the pointer to act like he is shooting me, he said: "Shoot her no use one, waste bullet only." Then Thabn said, "Dont worry, I wont shoot your loved one, opppss, Lyn, you are here!"
3. Zul said she does not like his hair, I asked her to talk louder, then Hana asked us to tease him together, so I shouted to him, "Ci La Kak", then he was attracted and walked nearer to us, prepared to be teased, then Zul said it loud: "I dont like your hair!" He defensed himself, "This is not set one, this is after woke up one! Ci La Kak!" "We all knew you will say that!!" Later he asked: "Why everybody hates my hair?" Lol~

What I remember is, we are good friends, we are childish, we are interactive.

Then we wanted to take photos for CFCS~
He sat below me, and later when I changed to lower row, I chose to sit below him.

XOXO

Then suddenly he told me he planned to eat KaoJum, then he walked down, and he asked who wants to follow him to KaoJum.
I waited for others to response, I saw MY raised her hand, Lyn raised her hand, YY raised her hand, then I raised my hand.
Later Thban followed us, and MY and YY followed Fiona.
*Actually MY wanted to follow us*
We walked together, and I slowed down my steps, Thban knew what I wanted to do, he slowed down too.
Then he purposely asked Lyn question and made her walked with CKM.
Lol~
I said that day I talked with one auntie and she said eat KaoJum is good for ladies in confinement, can provide heat.
Then CKM said, "No wonder I am so HOT!"
OMG!!!
When we reached library, he asked who uploaded the photo, and I denied it, and told him it was Amu~
Lol~
Lyn said I am the one who tagged them, and commented.
Both of them did not angry with me.
Yeah!!

Thban asked why Lyn did not attend that night, and he teased them that household problem should be just between them, and why they involved others(as in Lyn declined Indian Cultural Night)
Then I told Thban that I donated blood, and teased him that he cannot donate blood, said him as imperfect guy who need to find a perfect girl, then he showed his angry face to me, then I have to pujuk him back, "Sorry la sorry la, superman's blood!"
Then Thban teased him that asking me not to apologize with superman, but superwoman.
Then he banged the tiang along the path, lol~

When we walked to his car, Thban asked Lyn to sit in front.
Then I sat with Thban~
But later he requested to fetch the others, so he asked Lyn to sit behind, changed place.
Then I sat behind him.
And the others wanted to go with Fiona's car.
He started to sing in the car when our trip began.
Still, 爱我别走,爱不疚,some English song, but this time I did not jot down the lyrics.
He sang 新不了情。
I think I heard BY2 我知道, very girly lo! He just skipped those songs.

We talked about his gay problem, I said I will accept him as my gay friend, and I do not mind if he is a gay.
Lol, then Lyn stopped us because she felt he was in anger.

I saw the calender with sexy girls, Lyn took it away from me before I read it, after she finished looking the poster then she returned it to me, and I have no idea who are the models.

He said I am a lesbian and thought that I envy to their bodies, then he told me do not jealous of those girls, I said I am comfortable with myself. He then teased me, that are called women.
=.=


Ok, then I said I am a kid, then he said those girls just same age with me.
T.T
After that I asked CKM which girls he likes.

Then he pointed a few, and I never expect him will so nicely telling me his preference, lol~
Maybe he wanted to tell Lyn.
Later he showed me a photo of a girl with hot body, and asked me like her or not, and I said I prefer the one I tagged Alfred.
He said that one is fake.
Then they said there is no one in our campus has long legs.
I said out a few girls, and they both agreed those girls are disproportionate.


When I listened to his singing, I kept quiet, ok, I admit I can not control my smiles, I love his voice.
I kept smiling and laughing, I was listening with joy.
He looked at me through the mirror and he asked, "Why SM quiet only?"
"Why you 'an chio' and din talk?"

I forgot what we talked about later and I just kept teasing and teasing him.
Finally we reached the stall, and I was first time visiting and Lyn did not act like she will help me to order.
Then Thban asked CKM to order for him and I also asked him to order for me.
I do not know why, maybe I am the kind who will kepo, so her style is so different from me.
I even do not know how the right way to eat.
I sat in front CKM cause Lyn chose another seat.
While CKM kept showed his satisfaction on his meal and if Amu was around, she will say: "Overrrr~"
He continued with second plate and still showing his satisfactory face.
"Everytime I eat this, I am closer to the heaven."
"You eat once and you will always want."
=.=

I just kept eating, I did not dare to look at him.
Luckily this time I have no more shaking, maybe there is, but I feel more clam now.
Sometimes when I looked at him, I felt in love, see his mouth, munching, hahahaaaa!!!

I always forgot to tell, I like his fingers.
And when his fingers were grabbing the food, or when he was just putting hands on the table, I feel it is sexy, hahaa~

He bluffed me that he posted in Fb that he will not attend to the gathering, and he was trying to provoke me cause I said to the others we have full attendance.
Of course I did not force him or play coy to ask him go, he tried to do serious face, I just kept quiet, and I have no right to ask him to go.
I did not talk much during eating, I scared if I discover he was looking at me, or he was looking at Lyn.

We went back after 40 minutes, Thban walked me crossing the road.
He started his singing session again.
Sometimes I did sing with him, the Chinese songs.
I translated for him, and asked him to translate too, testing his Mandarin and Cantonese level~
Mainly we talking about the lyrics.
He sang Chinese songs while both Lyn and Thban did not understand.
He kept repeating 爱我别走，爱不疚.
He has same thought with me that a friendship changes to relationship, it will be shit.
Hahahaaa~
While I told him the lyrics for 爱我别走, he asked if he played with a girl then he can sing this song to ask her back but then found that it does not make out, and dump her again.
He quite frequently looked at the mirror, and I was looking at him via the mirror, many times our sight met, and sometimes he purposely looked at me via the mirror.
And he pretended as a playboy who sing 爱我别走,with some retarded or stupid faces.
Lol~
He sang a song which telling that he does not know how to express his feeling to a girl.

He was hinting!!
About he shy and not brave to change friendship to relationship, and he does not know how to tell Lyn his feeling, lol~
He told us too if he walked around KL, there will be guys looking at him.
He wanted to show off his hotness.
He also said he wants to pretend as a gay to friend with girls and look the girls changing in front of him.
He said Cindy looks cuter and prettier.
He sang 黄昏after that and I translated the lyrics.

We reached school and he asked Lyn to wait for him.
I hold Lyn's hands, and he teased me as a lesbian again.
I said, I feel cold then I want to hold warm hands, and I feel hot then I want hold chill hands.
He said: "Okokok!"
He losed, hahahaa~

It was like their routines, for Lyn to wait for him at the ground floor while he takes his bag.
I felt like I interrupted their date.

Then he came down with Yakult, and he said he wants to take for us, while Lyn was caring of him and asked him no need to take.
Suddenly 2 Yakults appeared on his hand, and I quickly took action and grabbed them.
I gave one to Lyn and he complained that he did not mean to give us, it is me who grabbed it from him, so Lyn said "Thank you" to me, hahahaa~
Then I can not tear the plastic for the straw and I asked him to do it for me, and it turned out he said that he old already and I replied "I am happy that you said that!!" cause he failed to help me to tear the plastic.

We walked together, he walked with me, and they walked quite fast, I was tiring chasing them with my 3 inches high heels, so I gave up.
They were talking and discussed about the guys, and I said I wants Kim Jae Jong, with pretty pretty faces, and he asked me wake up to reality.
And he finally realised that I walked very slow and he slowed down his steps and walked with me.
I said if there is a handsome guy in this campus, I will back to the reality, we finally walked together, and he said to me, maybe just loud enough for both of us, that he is the handsome one, or he is handsome enough.
Luckily I did not drink my Yakult that time and if not, I sure get choked!
I ran to beside Lyn, and shouted, "Seriuosly? Are you seriuos???!!!"
Then I just treated it as a joke and forgot about it.
He teased me again with my height and anything.

We talked and talked, I asked him whether he saw a girl cried in front of him before, he said he did, and the reason is him, he told the girl that he is a gay, and I said "Yea, when you tell girls that, they will cry, if you tell me, then I will -Haahahahaaaa!!-"

I think he felt so down when he talked with me.
We reached FLM and he took photos.
He came near to me for the slides and I kicked him away when he finished.
He took video for the specimen and asked me and Thban to look at the camera and smile.
We talked craps.
We are now like 2 comedy actor and actress, people laughed when they heard our conversation.
He said he made a lot of girls cried, and I said, "Yea, not only girls, and also guys. You told guys that you are straight and normal while you tell girls that you are gay, then you want to count how many tears you collected, one tear, two tears..."
He looked at me with amusing face, and scolded "Ji La Kak."
People laughed.
Then he teased me as "细佬仔"， I teased him as "老淫虫", he said "No, I'm not, I am 死靓仔."
We all laughed very very very very hard!!!!
OMG, is there any better?
He said it is not meant by handsome boy?
I explained to him it meant by immature guy, small kid, and actually now just I can translate it as Si Ginna!
I said, "Stupid!!"

Ok, I admit I teased him and attacked him very very hurtful, but he did not mind it, lol, so I just want to test if the threshold is very high?

He leaved with embarrassment, Lol~~~

Later when we took a seat, I just conveniently sat in front doctor, and he sat my left, Lyn sat my right. Thban sat behind and he asked why he said beside me.
He looked at me frequently and I pretended I do not know, or maybe he was looking at Lyn.
He showed me his photo with Lyn whicj I tagged yesterday, he pointed the number of likes, and I asked him whether he happy and I requested to look my comment's likes.
He just ignored me after 3 seconds cannot load that. =.=
He played with Thban during the breast cancer session, and everyone laughed with their jokes.
He showed me his necklace and Lyn again took it away from me, and when I wanted to show Gary, she did not want to give because she wanted to play with him.
He begged me for help, and he is very cute, with putting his palms together at the chest level, and the face is totally cute.
I did help him and she took it from him for second time.
Haiz, I should not involve in their battle.

He told me he felt Carmen is cute, like wanted to pinch her face.
Then I asked him to make a wish that to have the same posting with her and he can get higher chance to get her.
I said if he knew something, he will be very happy.
During a break for the FLM, I went to toilet, he was waiting me to come back and he wanted to go back.
He asked me about Carmen and I told him the truth.
He did not show any excitement, and he told me that he will be very happy if he got a daughter like Carmen.
He decided to stay after he knew I will stay for the session.
When doctor told about Uterine CA, I educate him that girls have such kind of suffers and he should not play with girls.
He replied me, yea, for so much sufferings, why kept your V?
I do not understand what that mean, and I asked Lyn, it is virginity.
=.=
And I do not know how to reply him.
=.=

He was waiting me to walk with him and I do not know why, he changed his mind.
I walked to buy notes alone.
I was following him, saw him from far.
I met him again in Chedin, and by that time, we were like a normal friends.
Later Lyn came, she did ask me did I walk there with CKM.
I denied, do not want her to misunderstand, she said : "It's weird."
I heard that and I asked "Har?"
She said nothing again.

I told Cindy and Jeslyn their stories.
I told Ling Ling that CKM seriously thinks me as a lesbian, and she said: "That's why he did not action."
Again, "Har?"
Then she said nothing, and I just ignored it.

I think, we are very close, friends.
I think it is possible to ask him for our Penang trip right?

Caption

We had last PBL for phase 2 today.
I looked at the doctor, and I had no chance to look at him.
When Lyn presented, he looked at Amu and teased and laughed of her slang, while when I presented, he looked at me, laughed at me with pretended closed his mouth and not intended to laugh =.=
We walked out of the room after PBL, Amu was tensed and did not want to take photos.
Later I wanted to have lunch with them, but Lyn said she wanted to pack food back to her room.
CKM in front, he was curious whether I will have lunch together.
And he still laughed at me at my height, I said I reached his shoulder, and he is short too.
He looked at me when I walked to another way, cause I thought they were not going to have lunch together.
Then I saw Imran them walked to Harmony, I followed them and walked with Amu.
Lyn then followed us for lunch.
While I do not know how, he slowly moved beside me and walked with me.
I asked back my pendrive and he said the transfer unsuccessful.
I played with his turtle shell.
I asked him when the CCN rehearsal and he did not answer me.
I poked his arm and he was still not answering me.
Then do not know how I called him papa, and Amu teased that I should call Lyn mama.
Lol~
He said some young wear high heels, I think he got problems with heels =.=
Then he said, if he has a kid like me, he will kill himself, and later he said, if he got a kid like me, he should kill his kid, lol~
Then we talked, the topic still on my heels, and I said, cause someone always teased me about short, heels, short, heels.
We did talk cause we sat far of both end of the table.
Then before dismissed I said I will stay library then he asked people is it ok if he goes library without card.
He was telling that Ken looked handsome in the photo while I do no know how he described me =.=
He said he does not know how to tag me with my Chinese name, and I asked Lyn not to tell him.
Even Amu can tag me with my Chinese name =.=
Then I teased him that I thought he said he is handsome.
He said yea, everyone wants his photo and no one admit it, lol~
"Yes. You are right!" I shouted inside.
But I acted I want to pfpfpffff..
Lyn was thinking whether she wanted to go back to her room, and then she walked away with YY and she dragged YY back to the library.
While I talked to ML in front of library and CKM passed by and after he crossed me, I acted as I wanted to kick him~
Lol, childish of us.
I was talking with Amu, Lyn was reading news, he was sleeping.
Amu took his photos with Lyn and then I said, yea, many people do want to take your photos.
He showed the others my photo via his phone through his fb.
Lyn said the photo is nice, the light is adequate, and the people also look nice, lol~~
*Why I felt like he was showing off that he got captured my photos and it is feeling weird that it is kind of like showing his gf photo*

Now we are in harmony state cause we will never gather like this anymore.
I asked Lyn about the test and he told the others that I asked him a lot of these questions.
I did not get shy, I just do not understand why he always tell what I had done, and obviously I done that most recent on January and mostly last year January.
It was story which ended last year, and why he made Lyn or others felt that I was talking to him like very frequent and like we are close.
Obviously, we are not and he did not even bother to answer me.
During clinical teaching, I acted normal, maybe I had cleared my thoughts.
I am no more obsessing to him.
I think previously because he treated me bad and I cared it too much, made me feel that I love him or what?
While Cindy's idea and I put it as my comment, and 21 people liked it, I scared he will kill me tomorrow...

I like the way we treat each other now, and if possible, I do not want to change.

Although Cindy, Jeslyn or RL teased me that maybe I will be the one who will have same posting, and maybe we will end up together, but, he knows, and I know, we both know it is impossible.

Tiredness

I feel tired recently.
Today see him in PBL.
He likes to tease me but today he got no chance.
I passed him my pendrive and he said how if he lost it.
I said pay me back original price RM50.
Lol~
He looked at me sometimes but I looked at doctor...
The doctor likes to have eye contacts with me. =.=
He felt happy with the doctor gave me learning issue, and also when the doctor gave others learning issues, childish!

He went to toilet before back, I bought ice cream and he bought too.
He was waiting for us to walk together, hmmmm...
Me? Lyn? Both?
We were now friendship like when we started to know each other, cause we are having last PBL this week.
I think he is thinking that "What a relieve!!"

I did not pay much attention to him, while Lyn did.
Later he changed his way and said: "Chao first."
Only Lyn heard his voice, lol~

I think, I love him, but I do not like to share him with others.

While, QQ really made me tired.
I cooked caramel for him but like always he just does not care even I cooked already.
Nevermind I can eat that.
But I feel like more tired to talk to him.
I think I am old now.
Maybe I can play with him if I was 20 or 21, but not now, not in the future too.

Lol~

Sexy

I think I do not suit to wear sexy, I feel it is not appropriate to wear sexy in this campus and I felt uncomfortable with it...

Yesterday JC who is Cindy's admirer sent her dinner to let her fill in something before the event.
She shared that with me and I somehow felt it maybe not so appropriate to eat the rice, hahahaa!!
The glutinous rice plus the fried chicken is super nice!!!

Then I went to her room after I dressed up and blew my hair there, she does not like if I put my fringe aside, lol~
I wore my super heels, and that is a torture to walk with that.

When I reached there and I checked my phone, just realized Ah Yik asked me whether going for this event, lol~
I sat in front Ken and MH them, when I checked my phone, I got shocked because MH approached me and knew something about me and Yik(QQ).
He said QQ is very ego, and I said he did not show ego to me, and MH said wish for my happiness, lol~
Later I saw CKM with HF.
I commented on HF 's attire and pretended I did not see CKM, then Cindy was telling me that black shirt guy is CKM. Then I showed like I do not care. Lol~
They put extra chairs beside Ken and also put extra chairs for the girls.

Borneo 2011, he was on the stage.
Winter 2011, he was far behind me, but I can see him.
Christmas 2011, he was on the floor, I was on the stage, but he leaved early.
CCN 2012, he was on the stage, and also around me, although he was angry with me.
MKI 2012, I just saw he after the show, and he was trying to take photos, perhaps wanted to capture me in his photos.
Prom 2012, he was the emcee, once I sat in front him and he sang "Wonderful Tonight".
Winter 2012, he sat far in front me, I saw him all the time he entered the hall until he leaved the hall.
Borneo 2012, I did not attend.
Christmas 2012, he did not attend.
MKI 2013, he sat 1 row after me. 

We laughed and I kept turning and looked what he was doing.
Most of the time he was playing with his phone.
Dinner time, I saw QQ presence and he was coming from pizza somewhere.
While I do not think CKM saw me until he met me after I took off my cape from the toilet to take photos.
When he saw me face to face, he smiled and teased on my shoes, and I went to step on his shoes.
I walked to the left of the entrance, wanted to take photos.

 

Then I saw QQ was sitting around there and having his second dinner, later he told me he took twice of the meal.
I felt shy cause I do not feel comfortable to show my body in front him.
I wore back my cape and I saw CKM was standing in front of the entrance, staring at me while I looked at him.
I do not know what it is that supposed to mean.
I felt like we were Romeo and Juliet who attend to the ball and saw each other in the crowd, however we were forbidden to go near each other.
I think I withdrew my sight after 5 seconds and ignored him.
I did not walk to him.
Maybe he was just looking at something behind me...
(Actually I was attracted by him but he did not give the spell to ask me to walk to him, lol~)

We returned to our seat and the show continued.
QQ asked me where I sat and later he asked me out to the entrance. I walked there straight away.
I went to toilet and he really did not act if I did not reply him back.
He did nto know how to do after ask me out.
I thought he will ask me to walk around the campus, somewhere less people walking around.
But we just stood outside the hall, at the place the car passing through to put people down =.=
We talked about my cape, cooking, his cfcs, Cindy's admirer.
I walked away when he was talking to his friends.
Lol, I gave him chance.
But I did not give him hope.

I think maybe he should have think to walk me somewhere to allow a private space between us, let me sit down cause I was wearing heels.
He did hinted me, saying that if senior tackles junior is way more easy.
I did not give him chance to finish his sentence that if junior tackles senior, it would be difficult.
Cause his friends came and interrupted, and I think that is a great chance to avoid that topic.
I walked away without telling anything, lol~
Later he asked me if I want to walk back with him but the show was not ended yet and I wanted to take photos with CKM.

After the show ended, we walked up to the stage to take photos.
I saw CKM was below the stage and I think he wanted to secretly take my photos?
But of course he did not.
I took photos with friends.
When I took photos with Thban, I hold his arm and lets CKM took the photo.
I asked CKM to take photos together, and he always teased me with my heels.
He told others that I even wore heels to PBL.
They asked me who I want to tackle then I answered someone tall.
And he told the others that I have a Malay husband.
I remembered I hold his arm once, and he made his muscles tensed and then told me, "Dont touch my muscles!"
I straight away let go of him and he laughed.
I took photos with Ken too, I acted cute and later I changes pose.
CKM helped me to take photos and he asked why I did not take photo with that pose.
So I requested to take another photos.
When Ken and me took photo with front camera, CKM was beside me and he took my photo from side, and my teeth derangement was recorded...
I saw him wanted to take my photo before I took photo with Ken, but I just ignored him and he really did take my photo and showed everyone...
I wanted to take his phone but I think he saved the photo and kept his phone safe in his pocket...
I do not know what he wanted to do with my ugly photos...
This is the second time I caught him taking my photos secretly.
I took a few photos with him.

We teased him with Lyn.
I did asked him "Where is Lyn?" privately, he pretended that he did not hear.
Then Thban asked him where is his wife, Amu asked him where is his wife and I continued where is his wife~ Lol~
Cindy asked him about the phone cover, and he did showed me his appreciation, lol, very polite.
Then I said :"Couple cover??"
Lol, he shy with our teased and before he went away, he said, "Nothing happened YET."
Yet?? Lol, something will definitely occur later.

He just focused his phone, and I do not like it.
Even when QQ talked with me, he too always check his phone.
Somehow I think people have no freedom since the advanced development of technology.

Today I just knew SY got together with FY?!!
Lol, I have a very weak antenna.

Heaviness

My brain is heavy, I cant sleep, I think too much information tonight.
A lot things happened tonight.
And I need a long time to type it down, and now is not a good time..
I am having headache, this type of insomnia only occurred when I was in secaondary school, that I stayed up and this is the consequences...
I thought I had adapted to sleep late, and seem now I getting older, and my body just can not afford it...

Finally

I went to the Indian Cultural Night.
I did what I wanted to do, but not as much as what I want.
I took my courage to take photos with him, but I did not hold his arm...
The last time I got a proper reason to take photos with him.

Continue tomorrow...
I feel nausea, maybe due to lack of sleep...

Jealous?

Why guys like to ask whether girl jealous when the girl asked about their interactions with other girls.
Maybe because they do not want to girl to question them with their personal life.

While I really jealous with CKM's dates.
I said I jealous because he took Lyn away from me.
But now, I can not say that anymore, cause she does not care if she leaved me to be with him.
I will just get embarrassment if I say like that.

你的每一次约会，是我每一个伤心的理由

When I heard you will be going out today with girls, it hurts me again.
And suddenly, I decided to cut my hair short.

I got to know you better from my conversation with Jeslyn.
She told me that you was so tiny when you were in your form 6.
And you just started to talk about girl since then.
Your friends thought you are the gay one in their gang.

I am hurt.
And I need to distract myself.

Expectation

This is a blog records my memories to him.
I went to ward, he was walking out, but he still got to standing still and teased on my shoes and my height.

He disappeared.
I asked others about our gathering~
And I got good response except for Chinese...
But when I asked him he said interested face, and I teased him that "See you face I also know edi la."
Surprisingly, he said he will go, and asked when and where.
Then he wondered if Malay can eat korean bbq.
I said you go then we got a car!
Then I said Thban also can get a car, blah blah blah, then he said, he felt stress for the exam coming, he does not want to go already.
Errmmm, I thought he was kidding.
(Later he showed he did not promised anything in our group T.T sad die me...)

Then during the teaching, when Iki was performing PE, CKM again looked at me and teased me on my height!!
Argghhhhh, until when he wants to tease me????!!!!

I think he got some huge provocation from someone and he needs to balance it by teasing me??

I love him. 

Stop Talking About Him

Recently I not only talked about him in blog, but also in reality.
And now I think I should stop playing with him.
I felt uncomfortable, like I am stealing my best friend's boyfriend.
Although I enjoyed this feeling with him, but I felt guilt in the same time.
I promise to myself, I will not talk swear words to him, not touch him, not getting provoked by him.

Today he laughed at me when the doctor said I have thin fat layer under submucosa.

I did realized they did not wait for me for lunch when I went to toilet and they all leaved me.
I think I will not feel comfortable with Lyn anymore.
Fragile friendship?

I walked to cafe with Pipah them and met YY and MY half way.
They told me about KM's project.

When I reached cafe, I saw they all were together.
I became the "others".
Not anymore the one he waited for lunch, not anymore the one she waited for lunch too.
He chose to sit in front Lyn. They are paired since last year.
He ate fast, I saw he was bored.
I started to make some topics.
YY told Imran that I tried to goda him by my heels.
Then KM looked at my shoes and I hided my shoes, then he showed me with his hand signals that I am short.
@.@
They asked him about Imran as his sgd mate during 1st year and he forgot it.
Then I said: "He this kind of no heart people no need to be friend with them one."
He showed his disagreement by giving kiss sign to Imran, hahahaaa!!!
The others asked him about other stuff he also cannot remember.
I mentioned again "No need to be friend with this no heart people."

Then I walked with YL, and walked very slow.
I knew he was waiting for Lyn, but do not know why then he walked to my side, and started to tease me.
Said, "where is SM? I cant see her."
Then I crossed him and walked with Imran, and told him: "This is called sweet!"
He said, "This is called beh paiseh!"
Then I ignored him and walked with Iki.
Iki also teased me, CKM then said: "You can see SM? I just can hear the kok kok kok only?"

I ignored him again.
Then Lyn asked me about how my pants are long, and I got laughed by them again.
He said "Not the pants long, your legs short!"
Then Lyn said: "No, the pants cut before."
I got more teases, he said: "Cut already still so long!!! Hahahaaaaaa!!!!"
Then he said why the others so bad one, and he said himself a nice guy, lol~

I shared a quote on my wall and only he can  see that.
I do not whether he notices it.
And today I just knew if that is a custom post, the one who can see the post can know the post is only for him.

"Yes, I am selfish. I dont like sharing you with people."

If I have to share, then I just will give to others.

Heels

I went to donate blood after the lecture with Ling Ling.
I wore my heels, want to make full use of the shoes I had bought for 4 years, hahahaa~~
I had influenced by SL, SM and CC, lol~

*I think I am in PMS, cause I slept a lot, even I had slept for 8 hours.*

During PBL, Amu saw my heels and asked me how many heels I have.
Lol, I have only 3 pairs: 1 inch black closed toe heels, 3 inches black closed toe wedges, 3 inches pink opened toe heels.
And CKM was looking at me and my foot, and curious of my heels too.
I pretended I was hiding from him.
I noticed that he looked at me a lot.
He looked at Pipah, but I can sense that he quite frequently looked at me.
We had a lot of eye contacts, example, hinted him to search info, hinted him to talk.
When the doctor talked about guys have high chances to get seduction from sexy girls when they were outstation, I looked at him, smiled like teasing him about this.
He had objection and voiced out "Zaman sudah berubah."
The doctor asked him how he knows about that, and I replied, "because he kena before!"
Lol~~~
He said: "Nowadays especially women with high post have the tendency to do such thing."
Then he pointed us: "Tak baca paper ni!"
He showed his concern about women, about how caring he is toward girls, lol~
Fake fake fake!
Nowadays I treat him this way and I found myself comfortable, hahahaa!!
When I chose learning issue, I made some voices and he imitated me.
I looked at him, said: "Not you. Imran~~~"
But he still kept imitating me =.=

Then we walked out of the room.
I walked with Amu and he was behind me.
Cindy saw me and called me, and I ran to her to have an accompany back to our room.
But she told me she had to buy notes, she asked if I wanted to accompany her to Chedin.
I was in good mood and I did not mind to walk with her.
Amu said after I met Cindy and straight away dumped her, lol~~
And Cindy asked if I want her help to buy MKI ticket, while I told her I will buy it with Thban.
Amu asked me to go too.
Then I said Thban loves me, and he is my second lover, lol~~
CKM said now I am taller than Cindy, I knew he wanted to tease me, but the way he told was just like as if Cindy did not know I am wearing heels.
(I think he meant that I can be taller than Cindy only when I wore heels.)
Lol~
He continued teasing me said that if I want to date Imran, then I have to wear 5 inches heels, and Fatin said if I date with Thban, then I no need to wear heels.
Hahahaaa, I said I wanted to find one with moderate height, Fatin said, "KM la."
Then he looked at me, with his half shy half reluctant face and smile, haven't say he does not want, but also did not plan to say he wants.
Then I said: "Yerrr, I do not want to rampas with my..."
I did not finish the sentence, cause I just want to give some hints to tease him, lol~
But I did not get response from Cindy. So the joke was unsuccessful.
Yet he gave me a delayed response.
He stunted and turned, stared at me showed he did not agree with that, I walked over him and looked at his eyes with my challenging face, maybe he was shy to admit in public, lol~
(Our interaction mostly without words, we have language barrier, lol~ Somehow, sometimes we might misunderstand each other.)

Then we talked some nonsense, I said Cindy is the one who will accompany me to the end.
Cindy said she do not want to end with me, lol~
I pretended I was sad and wanted to jump down to the ground, they laughed.
I talked with Cindy and I do not think KM understands.
Then Cindy felt weird and she asked KM to walk over us, as he might want to walk faster.
Surprisingly he rejected her offer and he said he wants to see me walking with my heels.

Errmmm, how co-incidently I just told something to Ling Ling this morning.
I have a thought, when I walk with my heels, I will definitely walk slow, and if there is someone who really wanted to walk with me, he will slow down his steps, walk with me, accompany me.
And we will spend time together, talking and understand each other more.

Of course, Ling Ling teased me she does not want to walk slow slow with me.

Ok, he is the first guy who treated me after I said if I go out with guy he must pay, also the first guy who slowed down his steps to walk with me with my heels.

Then when we were near to Chedin, just he said that there might have no note for us.
Cindy asked him why he did not tell before that, and I said because he wanted to torture my foot.
Then I forgot what he said and I pretended to step on him with my heels.
Suddenly he stepped on my shoes after I turned and I attacked his abdomen.
Haiz, because of his muscles I did not get to pinch any fatty tissue.
Forgot he had no fat on his body. =.=

We back to hostel and bought ice cream as snacks.
We planed our Penang trip and Cindy asked for a buffet.
She asked to ask CKM to bring us and I said if like that should ask Lyn with us, or she has to contact him, and I suggested to call Jeslyn instead.
I said if I ask him, he sure will tease me and reject me.
But then I think of his attitude recently, hmmm, maybe he will be nice with me?
I heard he is no available that time cause he even rejected trip with dental gang.
Haizzz, no other to bring us around meh!!!

Down

I was happy when I was in temple.
I felt everything is calm and peace when 438 were coming together.
While compared to my girl friends, I felt difficulties to communicate with them.
I can not agree with their thought, just like they can not understand mine.
She was giving her opinion according to people involved but not the incident itself.
When I came back from outing, I saw he was going out too.
We were near the same area at night, this time do not know which girls he brought.

I found my muscles pain, and just realised I did try my best to win in the arm wrestling.

Phychosis

Yesterday I was mad with both of them.
But today when I saw Lyn, I do not feel that I can be angry with her.
I was busy preparing food for tomorrow sangha dana.
3pm I went for CFCS mock presentation.
I went in the department but I did not dare to go in the meeting room.
I walked out and called MY.
Then when I turned, I knew someone behind me, without knowing anything, I spoke in English and it was Amu.
When I turned, I see CKM too.
I teased him on his hair, his attire and Amu too agreed with me.
And I just know Thban and Suhaimi were in the room before me.
I think I was the third person but I became the 6th person reached the room.
I think CKM felt nice with Lyn's absent.
Amu contacted Lyn and she was not willing to attend.
Lastly she showed her face.
CKM wanted to make me be presenter but luckily no one agree with him.
I asked him: "You want to die arrr?"
I looked at him frequently with Lyn's absent.
I think he did notice.
Cause sometimes I felt he was looking at me too.
But I cant make conclusion just based on my feeling.
I will be hurt.
By him and by my silliness.
When he was presenting, I can look at him all time he presents and I enjoyed looking at him.
I did support him with screams and claps.
Although I think his presentation is way too casual.
Lyn sat at his seat when he was presenting and when he finished presenting, Lyn returned him his seat and sat on Thban's seat.
I can see that CKM like very happy to see Lyn sat on his seat.

When Thban came back to his seat. Lyn did asked him to return his seat, and he said nevermind.
I gave my seat to Thban and shared seat with Amu, and then Thban said out loud that "I love Mun Mun" for a few times, so sweet!!!!
Then Thban teased Lyn that she just gave seat to CKM but not him.
We talked a lot I laughed a lot~
Lyn looked into his eyes and actually I was the same direction as Lyn from his view.
To avoid anything, I moved and obstructed his sight to me even though he was looking to Lyn.
Later I heard he asked Lyn why looked at him.
I just ignored this kind of conversation.
I let Thban to sit and I moved far away to avoid to hear or to see any flirtation between them.
Plus, I can get better view if I am not sitting with Lyn.
Cause when he looked at Lyn, he will not notice I am looking at him.

After Alfred explaining about the slides, I chatted with him about my drummer identification.
He showed unbelievable face and I got "merajuk".
I walked back to my seat and ML too showed her unbelievable face to me.
I chased her and played with her.
YY helped me to promote my drummer identity and she said I am strong.
Then CKM had comments on her statement and challenged me to arm wrestling with him.
He gave offer of Renascence buffet and I got attracted.
So I accepted the challenge and went to his side.
The others who like to watch comedy were cheering for me.
And they said it was not fair for me cause my right arms was hanging.
"Ok, we go to the corner."
Then we moved to another side of the table and Lyn be our judge.

"What you want to give if you lose?"
I just ignored his question, muahahahaaaa~~
I requested to use 2 arms and leaned my body to the table side.
We hold hands.
He let me to push for a while, I was trying hard, I thought I can make it because I was bullying his arm.
But when he wanted to push down my arms, I know he can easily make it but I used my whole body weight to resist it, hahahahaaaaa!!!
I know I am not sporty, hahahahaaaaa!!!!
But he let me be.
He knew I am a kid.
Then he suggested to compete for left hands.
Amu disgraced him cause recently he told them that his dominant hand can be left but now he used right hand usually.
I heard, but not detailed.
And again he let me to try, and lastly he entertained enough then he wanted to over it, I again bullied his arm and not letting him to really win.
Yea,  I knew I knew, I lose.
Although my arms shaking because of over usage, but it was not hurt.
They all amused with both kids, and later we went back to seat, and I do not know how we sit side by side.
They started to record our voices.
Lyn and CKM started their flirtation.
He said, "I cant understand the 4th voice."
She said, "You see, KM cant understand me!"
Oh my, can they just stop flirting in public, lol~~
They had this argument a few times even before this recording.
They had their secret topics.
Thban and Alfred teased on Lyn that she bought Samsung series, they asked her just buy S3, but Galaxy also quite similar, hahaha~~~
I knew CKM jusr pretending that he did not hear it but I bet he did!!

Lyn said the buffet is not nice, but I told her, I want to win even it is not nice, cause I will not go for the buffet, I will cash back, hahahahaaaa!!!
Lyn showed unbelievable face cause she did not know I am such evil, hahahaaa~~~

He said only cause he was confident enough that I cant win.
I do not think that he will really treat me even if I win lo!
He that kid, his childish level is not below me.

We were talking about our elective with Alfred, and that kid was curious about it.
He asked, I did not answered cause always it is Lyn to tell him.
Lyn did not want to tell him, while I was about to tell him but I stopped half way,
Then Alfred told him and he stopped asking cause he was not interested with that.

Even after the meeting, I was walking with Alfred, and Alfred called Lyn back who was walking with CKM.
CKM kepoly called Lyn to stay and he too stayed longer than usual.
I think he walked and moved slow because he already planned to tease me.
I just ignored him and wanted to continue walking with Alfred.
He turned and said to me: "Dont you stand and walking beside Alfred."
He pretended to give me advice but I knew he was teasing me.
I walked to him and wanted to hit him.
I stopped after awhile cause I am kind hearted and I am not such small gas girl.
Then I just turned back to Alfred and he again pointed to me and Alfred.
He said, "You all see she walks with Alfred."
I do not wanted to take any action but he kept provoking me.
I finally can not stand and actually me and Alfred walked quite a distance from CKM already.
I ran to him and he pretended to run away although he did not plan to run, and with his knee problem he pretended cannot run, and actually I did see him did not move at all even he was lifting his legs.
I did not know where to hit him cause I was way too long ago did not hit him anymore.
I promised to him before I will not hit him anymore.
I stunted and think for awhile where I should hit him.
I did not touch him for long time and I did not how to initiate it again.
So I hold his arm with my left hand and hit his arm with my right hand.
I acted like I was violently hitting him.
I was not the kind of girl who really will hurt anyone anymore.
(This is not applicable if there is a time he really provokes me gao gao lak!!)
Then I wanted to push his knee.
I tried a few times but I always fail.
Maybe my legs were shorter than his.
And I walked away again with Alfred.
And he kept looked back to us, me too.
And I showed my unsatisfactory.
He still wanted to tease me with my height even he was on his way back to his own room.

So Alfred did comforting me.
He said I am in normal height, average girl's height.
And my body proportion also in average.
He compared me to Lyn but I told him the truth that I "slight" more puffy than Lyn, hahahaaa~~~
Alfred is such a kinf guy until some immature childish and ego kid.