Toward normal

I can pretend I am not care of him, I can do like I do not want to see him.
But I know I do when I saw him talk to Lyn..
I teased on him, like we had last time ago.
I can still remember he sang to me in the staircase...
After he scolded me...

I can still remember...

And we examined the models together, and you said you wanted to take a photo.
But when I offered to help him to take photo, he rejected me.
Hmmmm...

I always cant understand what he is thinking about...

What happened?

Lyn is still down, even YY can see that.
I do not know why, and I am not able to accompany her for dinner or tea.
Hmmmm......

Presentation

I had my presentation yesterday.
I had shot by the doctor, but overall he is nice~
We waited in the wad for 1 hour cause the doctor had meeting before that.
When we waited in wad, Lyn did not talk to me much.
I feel weird of she is down for these few days.
PBL 7 waited with us too.
I found CKM always walked around me, like a satelite, but I do not want to have my focus on him to avoid heartbroken.
They read my case, and I was talking to Iki.
I told him that the girl married in quite early age, but he disagree with me and said that girls supposed to marry at that age because the high quality ova already being expelled from girls' body unlike them that can produce good quality sperms always.
CKM also stood there and teased on me as a girl who already in old age for a marriage.
He is happy because he can get a young wife even he will marry late.
Then I agreed with him, said that: "Yea yea, even 80 already still ok."
I still can not look at his face, how I can look into his eyes??
How I wish I brave enough to face him.

Next time if he teased me again I will tell him, even married also I do not want a child.
Then wish him get a wife of same age and even older than him. Lol~~~ Too cruel is it??

Then I went to Thban to hear his explanation and lectured me some knowledge about O&G.
Then I do not know why he came and interrupted us by looking to Thban and compete their eyesight.
Then he found a chance and got to sit beside Thban and rest his knee.
And I just did not care of him.

While I presented, when the doctor praised him because he was a STP, then he said me have more knowledge than him.
He always act like he is humble, lol~~

Nothing about him anymore, I think my feeling to him will fade with time goes by if we have none interaction and communication like this~

His Title

He shared his birthday celebration photos.
First with PBL, then with his gang, then with his family, lastly the friends in hometown.
And I was wrong.
He had buffet with family.
He celebrated with girls, but all are his friends' girlfriends.
He put photos Lyn uploaded in our group, lol~~

1 bday, 2 states, 3 cakes, 4 celebrations.

1 thing , 2 say, 3 words, 4 you.

Emo

I am emo today.
Because academic, financial, and very little of CKM.
My presentation and actually the important one is my pro exam.
I want to go Thai but I scared of my timetable changes...
I can not bear another failure.
And I just realized youngster in these 2 decades most likely to have their own life.
My extension brought some problems to my family.
I should not plan so much trips.
I thought we were in a raise.
But actually nope.
I need to save.

Saw CKM photos of celebration after having cakes with us.
He went to Ritz with dental girls and some guys.

Of course they paid for him according to their comments.
While they did not tag him in photos.
Maybe he got the aura of "Dun tag me in your photos"?
While he had buffet at Tao today, do not know with who.
I guessed it always will be some girls beside.

He enjoyed life very much.

Well, I went to watch Yamato's drum performances.
It was highly influential that they spread their joys to the audiences, they showed they really love what they are doing.
Japanese is a race which shows a great cooperation and good relationship between people.
When will this attitude becomes universal?

While I watched this show, I was thinking of Jambu.
He will like this.
And I think of Jambu when I need to travel alone.
He is the one I can think of when I need help, I felt helpless...
But I can not find him anymore.

Yes, I am dependent, and I compensated it by expressing my feeling, my helplessness here.
No one knows how I wish I can go Thai, and those who know will ask me not to think to much and just go.
No one understands how bad my academic is, and those who know will ask me to study hard.

There my another weakness, lazy.

Love U

How I hope I can love you above board.
I can tell people, yes, I do love you.
I can hold your hand, when I want to cross roads.
I can hold you hands, when I need warmth.
I can pinch your face, when you said something make me unhappy and feel geram!
I can pull away your frown, when you not satisfy with me.
I can pull up your corners of mouth, when you angry with me.
I can put my head on your arm, when I want something from you.
I can look at you pitifully, when I ask something from you.
I can look at you directly, when I think you are charming.
I can look into your eyes, show you my sweet smile.

You'll do all that with another girl day right?
I am not pretty enough for you right?
I am not feminine for you right?
I am just a kid for you right?
But I love you.
I do.

Failure again..

I tried to talk to him yesterday night.
He can reply all kind of girls of all kind of questions, but not even 1 question of mine.
Please la, NSM, do u really wanna make yourself that cheap?

What I can think of him now, all is from the past, we have no interaction, no chemistry in present.
This is tragic.
I should go on.

Bday Card

Did this but it is kept in my drawer cause I heard that he went back today.
And the handwriting too much similar to my ordinary handwriting, he will know it was me.

I planned to send his postcard before, but I do not know his home address...

Happy Birthday, CKM~

Useless hands

Yes, I am useless, cause my hands shaking like crazy once I sat down until half way of our gathering.
OMG!!!

Arrggghhhh, useless useless useless!!!

I was reluctant to go to the third PBL, cause I did not know what the doctor will ask.
Well, the doctor told dirty jokes in the PBL, but sometimes he can be informational.
While CKM get shot by the doctor gao gao!
Asked him to ask Lyn about color of menses fluid, asked him to ask Fatin the types of pad, asked him to ask Amu the days of menses, asked him to ask Wirdah whether she had menstrual pain.
>.<
Luckily I did not get these questions...
I saw his face is really cute, he was shy and embarrassed. Lyn tried to give him some supportive stares, sometimes he just ignored her.
I laughed because he got shot.
Maybe just like what I had read in FB before, when a girl likes a guy, her laughter can easily trigger by the guy.
The doctor teased him that he can be urologist because he does not know anything about female.
The doctor showed him the middle finger, teased him with everything, maybe the doctor hates him because he envied of CKM, hahahaa~~

After PBL, I went to toilet, because I had urge and I do not want to talk to him.
But even I came out from toilet already, they did not talk about it yet.
Lyn asked me on or not, I did not want to say anything, luckily MY and YY said on on on.
Then she hinted me to tell him, but I insisted not to say anything, and showed her the whatever face and hinted her to tell him.
Then I went back to take my bag, actually I can follow Lyn and CKM out of the room, but I rather wasting time, walked slow, stayed in the room and waited for MY and YY, so that I will not need to talk to him.
I saw Lyn talked to CKM- I was blurred and blanked all time after that, excited state or what...
What appeared in my mind is- CKM looked at Lyn and asked "Now arr??", took out his phone and looked at the time, and considered whether he has other more important things to do, and suddenly he smiled(brightly) and turned to me and said "Ok!".
I was blanked cause he was smiling happily. I was shy to look at his face, again I thought he was waiting for me, and I showed him 2 fingers and said 2 more in the room, with sight away from him.
Amu dragged me away, while I wanted to wait for the two in the room, I reluctant to do so, I wanted to stay beside him too, but lastly Lyn be the one who stayed beside CKM...
It is always Lyn who accompanies him, while I am not allowed to stay beside him.
I am not the hostess.
I got a feeling, that he likes me, but this feeling is not reliable, fragile and might not real.

They finally walked out to the lobby and I thought not much of us will go to SR.
But Imran successfully hold Iki, that's why all the other Malay girls stayed back and we walked to SR together.
I spoke out loud that Imran will be a nice husband(Joke from the doctor that Imran will be O&G specialist), while I saw him busy with his phone, may I guess that he was texting to someone said that he will be busy.
I tried to find a place for myself beside him but I always fail, hahahaa~
No space for just me and him. No chance to walk with him. (Except in the later part.)
I was blurred cause my mind only focused on him...
What I see might not what I see, what I heard might be not be heard, all were his images and voices.

I crossed the road with Lyn, hold her arm, while I do not know whether she think I made her can not walk with him, hahahaa! I am too childish.
I walked toward the cakes, and I was choosing which to eat.
He walked in directly asked Lyn to order Chocolate Indulgence, I think one of his favorite things is chocolate. *He shouted a few times that chocolate indulgence the best, taste nice, hinted Lyn to remember his favorite cake is it?*
(Lyn told me that he does not eat cake when I suggested to go SR, but I saw him ate a chocolate cake in cafe when he was lunch with us, maybe she knows him more, he told her before.)
He is quite not gentle, cause he is the type of guy who will ask girl to order food for him and conveniently sit there.

So, I will never believe that he is that type of boyfriend who serves his girlfriend.
He might the type of ask girlfriend to queue for fast food, order for food and serve him like a babysitter.
Where goes the type of guys who will ask girls to sit down, and orders food for girls, serves the girls??
I met two gentlemen before, while he is not one of them.

I asked the waitress whether there is Chocolate Strawberries, but it was out of stock.
The waitress actually imitated my style and played with me, hahahahaa~~
I had been abnormal since he turned back and smiled and said yes to SR.
Then I cannot think properly, cannot talk properly, actions were exaggerated.

When I chose a seat, I told Lyn in chatbox before to sit near him and beside her, but Amu asked me sit with her which was quite far from him.
I might just follow the fate but later MY asked me sit inside and Amu followed me.
As usual I sat in front and diagonally with him.
In front of me was Imran but later changed to Wirdah.
Once I sat down, they were discussing about understanding female, I said the easiest way is just find a girlfriend.
Lyn told Imran that it is not to late to have one since eleven years onward only he will be the specialist.

I was blurred then...
I remembered the waiter served the cakes, and I showed my interest to cakes.
My sign showed when I needed to pass the cakes and drinks, also the sugars.
I tried to calm myself but I saw my hands shaking, and I did not know how to stop it!!!!
Even when I hold my fork for cakes, when I stirred my tea!!!!
CKM regret to have coffee, asked if can change to tea.
I think this is because Lyn only asked him about coffee, while I will only asked for tea.
Next time I shall ask him "Coffee or tea?", hahahahahahahaa!!!

We talked about lot of things.
Then MY asked me about the gift, then I took my red-ribbon-mandarin-orange out and gave him.
Of course everyone will surprised included him, and I was too shy to look to his face, I just looked away pretended talking to Amu or the others when he wanted to throw the orange to me. Maybe he thought of Chap Gor Meh?
Although I had that meaning of "Pau Gam" but I do not think anyone noticed it.
He took photo of the orange then put it aside.
Mean he used to take photos of everything he did, he received, he played, and he does not uploaded it in FB.
Maybe he wanted to share it with someone in other days.

I took smaller piece of red ribbon and tied it on Lyn's finger.
She challenged me and now she did not willing to co-operate.
Then I gave up.

I have no ideas with what I said and what I did that time, now.
I had lost my mind...

I ate my cake, black forest cheese, Amu's strawberries marshmallow, Fatin's chocolate walnut, Fifah's chocolate indulgence, Wirdah's carrot cheese and Lyn's macademia cream cake.
When Amu said her brother can bake a very nice carrot cake, I told her can I marry him, and she said she does not want me to be her sister-in-law.

When they tried my cake, they said it is sweet sour, while I do not taste anything sour.
I wondered whether I had changed?
Since when I can accept sour food?
Since when I do not feel sour at all??
I said: "I had turn to a girl?" "Now I become a girl already."
And he teased me that I should go check my genome and also teased me with the LMP. =.=
After Lyn tasted it and said that it was not that sour...
I should try blueberry cheese cake to test am I really changed.

CKM said his knee spent RM38K.
While he said when he was in the wad, the nurse called him Junpyo???!!!
Totally different!!!
He said another name is Lee Minho.. =.=
And he likes if people said him as Lee Minho or Kim Junkok...
OK, Fifah did told me that he looks alike KimJunkok while I look alike his RM girlfriend, Eun Hye.
OK, I said before in fb with YT that his character much alike the Meteor Garden character but I meant the Taiwanese version one, Jerry Yan: unicellular organism, pretend bad but actually good boy.
Junpyo version I never think before, hahahaaa~~
By the way, luckily I know he can not read Chinese, or else I will think that he read my blog before~
Lol~~
Then he said he is like the character in Flower Boys, yea, childish, rich, spend like billionaire.

Later he opened his gift(the mandarin orange) as if he is very happy, and I sang him HB song alone, while then I realized no one sang together with me, so I stopped.
He peeled the orange and shared some with us.
(He is very polite and caring that he will accept happily whatever he received especially in his first year birthday, hahahaa!!!)
Again I felt stupid cause again I saw my hand shake vigorously, and I shame with it, arrgghhh!!!
No one notice tight right right??!!
He complained that the orange is unwanted one, not good taste, even Amu said that because that is too sweet and not sour at all.
Then CKM said he is considering my feeling, that's why he ate the orange or  what, I was blurred and I can not remember what he said? (Too excited)
I was so confused and nervous that I cant understand what he said too.
Again, if he really can read Chinese, I highly suspect he read my blog and I posted the lyrics before... =.=

I did showed my tongue to him twice, once because he saw me ate a lot and second when I said he got narcissistic personality disorder while he replied I have bipolar mania. =.=

Then I noticed my tea cup was not clean, I asked Lyn to change for me, I looked at her pitifully, dependent and. She helped me without asking me to do it by myself, hahahahaha~ First time because she had no choice in front of CKM.
I started to tie the red ribbon on Lyn's wrist when she returned and she just can not co-operate with me, hahahahaaaa~
Then he used the red ribbon to tie on Iki's blackberry, and pretended it was his presents.
YY finally joined us with her layered cakes, then I put all the cakes in front me and him, started to eat.
He surprised with my appetite and teased me as TamJiak.
I think he was surprised too when I arranged the cake in front of him, actually I planned to sing the HB song with the cakes but no one understand my actions.
While finally we sang a song for him, he shouted his name loudly, letting the whole world know we were celebrating his birthday.
He is cute like that, and I did not sing loud as I planned to do so, as I do not feel comfortable to act like I am happy to celebrate with him, especially when I think he probably only like to hear Lyn sings for him. (Jealousy)
While Iki asked who planned this, I think CKM scared to letting people know it was Lyn, and he said he planned for everything for his own birthday celebration.

I showed my kiddie attitude, while eating, talking, and teasing.
I did not show feminine side of me.
I do not want to compete a guy with my friend.
Maybe I competed with her before, but once she told me that she likes him, from that moment, I have to pay my responsible.
I hate this kind of feeling, that is why I acted before she admitted it, and I got a negative result.
I must keep reminding myself, not to be a bitch who took friend's boyfriend and hurt her.

We took some photos but they just reluctant to upload it.
I did not bring my camera, cause I know I will be crazily taking his photo if I did.
Is it love?
Or just an idol admiration?

Lastly, he asked us whether we pay for him, and he said thank you.
Then someone teased him to pay and later he really pay for us.
Again it just matches my rule that I set a few days ago.
This is the first outing after I made the wish, and the wish came true~
And I did a pre-booking for 1 year, and I got to celebrate his birthday this year.
Although we had this treatment most probably because of Lyn, hahahaaa~~

And he is the first guy I met that who pay for others during his birthday celebration.
I said before if he treats girls for meal, then he really likes that girl.
Perhaps Lyn?
Hahahaa~~

I shouted to Imran: "Dont leave me alone!" to make people feel awkward.
I should stop this kind of attitude cause it actually hurts myself only.
When we walked back to USM, he tried to walk with me, but later I do not know how, Amu came walked with me and squeezed me to his side when the path is norrow, I have no choice cause I do want do the same with Lyn, I do not want to touch him like I give myself away.
So I changed place with Amu, then Amu walked between us...
We got separated after then, and after we crossed the road, I felt that he did not walk with Lyn.
I actually peeked on him, he was chasing my steps. And finally walked with me for a while.
I planned to walk slowly to wait him, but the awkward thing is I do not want myself to act like Lyn.
I do not want to be another Lyn, I do not want to be the same with other girls.
I hate this feeling.
Then I asked him whether his knee pain, and complained that my height will always be the shortest.. T.T

I reached hostel, then I went to Cindy room.
I told her some funny things, and she told me that day Amu did not go for lunch with them.
Joe drove and CKM sat in front.
Lyn did not ask me to join even there was another seat.
Even Cindy felt weird, but she was the guest, and she has no right to invite me.
(Maybe they can have double date?)
Then Cindy said maybe Lyn does not feel comfortable with me.
That I will tease her whenever she touched CKM or flirted with CKM.
Cindy said even she sat behind, but she sat near with CKM and straggled his neck, played with him a lot.

Good for them.

I regret that I helped her to make that conversation to celebrate CKM's birthday.
And I just realized that she said he hinted the whole car, I thought there were Amu, Yeeliong, while now I felt cheated.
Because, there were Joe, Lyn, CKM and Cindy only on the car.

Hahahaa, girl's friendship is fragile. When friendship can threaten relationship, she will just let go her friendship.
While I believe that something will happen if three people always stick together, either light bulb or third party.
The is no right and no wrong, just it is hard to believe that it happened to me too.

By the way, my toothpaste is safe cause I actually haven't unseal it XD

Hinted

He hinted Lyn about his birthday, lol~
While he said he will be going home on Thursday, what's the point?
Maybe hinting people to help him celebrate early kut.
So my plan failed~

And later they will ask him to go SR.

So, I did not ask him anything about Valentine, about his birthday, but he hinted?
Love's power!

Bday

Who will be the one who accompany him during his birthday?
Who will be his side?

I sewed my broken blanket yesterday.
When it was done, I think of sew something as a memorial: "HBCKM 22.2.2013" on my blanket.
But the product turns out ugly.
Nevermind, I had planned to sew every year, it will become better and better, hahahaa~~~

I actually plan to write a birthday card and put in his car before, but I do not think I have chance to get on his car.

Maybe I should do that.
Just put on his car wiper.
Ok, decided.

Predictable

I had my PBL separated with him, as I know, I will never have chance to be together with him.
I went back to do laundry.
I am in down mood the whole morning.
And I had a talk with Liyana last night, and I found the fact that guys who dated her always pay for her.
So I decided to set my own rule.
Who wishes to ask me out, I will ask them to pay, or else I will not be out.
Not that I am a greedy bitchy girl, but it can act as a barrier to whom not sincerely ask me out, and if he passed this test, saying that he is willing to pay, then I will out and pay by my own.
When I walked back to school, I had an instinct that I can have a lunch with him.
I reserved the time to have lunch with my friends, thus will have a late laundry(since I need the sun).

When I reached the hall, Lyn asked me about the PBL, and I acted and replied happily but actually I am happy with the exam date change.
Then I asked them about lunch, and they showed me the embarrass shy faces.
Cindy told me she asked Lyn already about yesterday incident, and it is not her.
(And I saw my hands shaking all along that conversation)
I do not why that they were making the conversation like planned, and they scared of my responses.
Then I can guess with their expressions, they are going out later, so I said I will go back and cook maggie.
But I do not know why, they asked me calm down while they were the one who smiled shyly until the eyes also can not see, the mouth can not tell anything.
Then they said there is another one else.
Then?
She said Cindy and then told that sorry that I am not invited.
So?
Any difference if I say "I go back and cook maggie" before or after she telling me this?
Lyn said: "Suak, next time do want tell you edi."

Oh ya, because he asked you for lunch, and you are the one who incharged who to invite right?
I mean, Lyn became the hostess while I am the one who is not invited, according to her.

Lyrics which suit my mood now.

很多事情　不是誰說了就算

即使傷心　結果還是自己擔

多少次失望表示著多少次期盼

事實證明　幸福很難

我們之間　不是誰說了就算

拉扯的愛　徒增結局的難堪

一百次相愛只要有一次的絢爛

下一次　會更勇敢

當冬夜漸暖　當大海也不再那麼藍

當月色的純白變得陰暗

那只是代表快樂不再那麼簡單

當冬夜漸暖　當夏夜的樹上不再有蟬

當回憶老去的痕跡斑斑

那只是因為悲傷從來　都不會有答案

當冬夜漸暖　當青春也都煙消雲散

當美麗的故事都有遺憾

那只是習慣把愛 當作喜歡

重要的是　我們如何愛過那一段

Begin to understand

我竟然没有调头 最残忍那一刻

静静看你走 一点都不像我

原来人会变得温柔 是透澈的懂了

爱情是流动的 不由人的

何必激动着要理由

相信你只是怕伤害我 不是骗我

很爱过谁会舍得

把我的梦摇醒了

宣布幸福不会来了

用心酸微笑去原谅了 也翻越了

有昨天还是好的

但明天是自己的

开始懂了 快乐是选择

I searched for his car when I passed by the guy's block, cause Layfen drove there to get something.

When we walked passed the field, I saw his car, and I knew it is his car, but I need to confirm it, so I looked at the driver, it's him.

While I just turned away once I saw he looked to my direction too.

Then Layfen told me that he brought a girl out.

But she did not see who is she.

"It's ok, dont be sad" teased Layfen.

Although she does not know anything, she just played with me.

The song suits my feeling now~

Unbelievable that I did not turned away, at the most cruel moment,

Quietly watched you walked away, it does not act like me at all.

Finally realized people will turn gentle, when crystal clearly understand something,

Love is ventilable, not decisive by human,

Why should I want an excuse badly?

I believe that you just scared to hurt me, not lied me.

Who dare if he loved before,

Wake me up stopping me from dreaming,

Announce that my happiness will not ever going to happen.

With sorrow I smiled and forgave, and overcame it,

It is still good to have past.

But the future is mine,

I begin to understand,

Happiness is decisive.

Silly diary:

He did not attend to lectures, but he appeared for clinical teaching.

He looked at Carmen with his big opened eyes, while I noticed that because I stood beside her.

I looked away again, I still refused to know how he likes the other girls.

I think I should learn to accept it, by not turning to any other direction, and continue with my activities.

Toothpaste

T.T
Woke up in the morning, when I need the toothpaste, just found that it is lost!!!
I just bought it and it can be used for 1 year and it is expensive!!! T.T

我們不是戀人，但你對我很重要...很重要…

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我喜歡你，卻不會在一起。

你知道麼，我喜歡你笑的樣子。
你知道麼，我常常很想你。
你知道麼，我清楚你的習慣。
你知道麼，我記得你跟我說的話。
你知道麼，我明白你的一個眼神一句言外之意。

你知道麼，我喜歡你認真的表情。
你知道麼，在我心裡你很棒。
你知道麼，我每天上線第一個找的就是你。
你知道麼，我保存了好多，關於你。
你知道麼，我把你看得很重要。
你知道麼，你說過的歌曲我都下載。
你知道麼，那首歌，成了我的單曲循環。
你知道麼，你講的笑話我背的比英語都牢。

你知道麼，你不知道，好多...
即使很忙，依然想陪你。
逛在街上，突然想起，這個你喜歡吃
我總會突然想，打個電話，想聽聽，那熟悉的聲音了。

我們不是戀愛的關係，卻明白，這比友誼特別。
其實我們都明白，你，在我心裡很重要。

但是，這樣的人一旦分開，
就連朋友，都不是了...

Reunion

Lol, for so long we did not gather, and I finally saw him this morning.
He with his blue shirt.
When we officially met each other, he asked me to get key for the tutor room but I am so lazy to do those kind of thing.
Then he saw me ate the CNY cookies and then he teased me of not growing taller for so long no see.
And he was quite good mood in those discussion of PBL.
Sometimes he laughed, sometimes he did not.
The doctor teased him about his marriage concepts and personal life.
He showed he is the kind of good guy while the doctor thought he was covering and the doctor felt unbelievable.
When the doctor asked him whether he will marry for another one if he knows that his wife can not give birth, he looked at the doctor and felt shy to answer, I think he does not want to lie.
He does not want to say anything that will make girls misunderstand his personalities~~
Lol~~

I am happy to see him, and hope to see him everyday.

For yesterday bus trip..
So tired to carry so many things back to school while raining heavily =.=
Made me feel like do not want to go back Pangkor anymore.
The bus was so crowded until fullness of the luggage compartment.
While I hate the chair and regret that I did not buy neck pillow =.=
And I also regret that I did not bring mask and glister sweetshot or minyak cap kapak or anything mint.
Because I highly suspect the girl behind me has a bad breath until I can smell it from the back to my nose, whole night!!
Luckily I forced myself to forget about it and hypnotized myself to sleep.
Because I experienced hyperventilation of I took very short inhales and extended exhales, it makes me dizzy and nauseous...
And I do not know why, I started to have carsick after 23 years in this world??
Or just because of strenuous exercise that I carry heavy luggage and hurt my neck??
No idea.

Another thing is, I got confirmation from Jambu that, we are now strangers who know each other's name, and he still considers it as friendship.
And he will move further and further from me.

I never understand why people feel so emotional unstable after their lost someone, and now I know.

Drama-ing

I found a new drama is promoting in Astro, so I searched it online and downloaded it.
I am attracted because it was near Valentine, and after I watched it, I found the character Season is much alike CKM.
When they take photos, they have to post to show their muscles, they like to use their eyes to show their expressions, especially the "not satisfy" expression.
Both of them have nice body, while of course the actor is better la.
And I do not know why, I found someone overlapped with Season in the drama, especially when he makes sound of impatient with his lips, but I do not know who.

And I was hurt by my hometown friends again, these days.

Meaningless

Jambu greeted me on the the first day of CNY.
While when I asked him to meet, he rejected me.
I tried, so if I am not hoping anything more than friendship, do not try so hard.
Although it means by I lost one friend, but better than hurt him more, and hurt myself more.
By the way, there are always people who like to peel off the scab of the healed wound and put some salt on it.
And I will never treat them as friends.
I said we had no talk for a long time, and they asked me to tell about that.
I can feel they were not sincerely care about me, while they were expecting fun from me.
While they think I am a person who should not be there to talk about their own private topics, I will not attend to their gatherings from now onward, since they are not really welcoming me to their gatherings.

Luckily I learned how to protect my heart from being hurt, especially by friends.
Since young, I care of friends more than family and lover, but now, I put all down.

Treat everyone sincerely, give what within my abilities, and that's all.

While I wonder why CKM did not upload his photos of daily activities?
I saw one photo uploaded, his knee seem healthy and I am happy for him.
And the special treatment and service for an immovable patient can be removed.

Contact

I saw a photo of him during cny.
He was playing with his phone.
I do not know whether he is contacting the girls, or playing the games.
But what I guess is, he is constantly contacting a girl.
The girl who he met just because he brought HW for dress.
I amazed with his charm, to get a girl within hours??
Probably just an hour.

New strange feeling

I want to see him, if and only if he wants to see me too.
I do not feel like begging him for anything.
I want a relationship that he willingly gives me everything.

I miss him.

Free

Nothing to do at home, and no one to miss, a really free CNY break~
Previous years I found myself something to think, to miss, to do.
Cindy said it is better to not contact Jambu, although I think of doing it.
I think I have been learning to control my desires well.
I do not even ask even I wanted to know who CKM hinted to ask him out for this Valentine.
Like what I said previously festivals, I hate festivals that create chances for the singles.

If I say I miss him, will him drive here just to let me see him?
If I say I want to stay beside him during Valentine's Day, will he date me?

If he really do, then I must be just in dream.
It is IMPOSSIBLE.

First time

哦~第一次我说爱你的时候
呼吸难过 心不停地颤抖

I think of our first time, when we both sang out loud "I love you"~~
Haahaaahaaaaaa~~

Silly girl who has a great imagination!!