Out of control

I went out tonight, I told SN about incidences today.
And I started to overthink...
I needed a lot of expiration to get rid him from my mind.
Just now talked with WC, and maybe when I say it out, it become more real...
I nearly loss my control of my heart.
When WC told me to let my brain empty at the end of conversation, I feel my rational came back already.
When I read back my blog, what I wrote, I become totally calm, and I know what should I do.
I just need him to be my friend,
I can not afford to lose him, I am trying to get back him, who cares of me, no matter what is our relationship.
I know my objective already, whatever that makes him stays away from me, I will not do that.
Cause I already know, what I really want.
His love, is very wide, he is very kind, I can get his love just be his friend.
He is willingly to give me his love, if we are staying as just friends.
He is generous to give love to his friends.
He can give me more when we are just staying friends, and he can not provide that as a lover, so, why I asked for less when there is something more??

And I am very calm now~