We had clinical teaching early in the morning, I woke up 745am and I spent so much time to brush teeth, wash face, put cream, style hair, prepare breakfast, fill water bottle.
And me and Lyn still late to the class, hahaha!!!
I need more than 45 minutes to prepare myself to class!!
Then the whole clinical teaching, I did not look at him again~~ ^.^
Yea!!!
I can control myself now~~~
One thing that bothered is I can not answer what the doctor asked.. T.T
So Ming was going to lecture hall with YY and MY.
Again, I have that kind of misunderstanding that he was looking for my answer of whether I will follow Lyn for breakfast or not.
But actually he just looked unintentionally.
Hohoho, his fans followed him happily I think??
Cause I kepo signed for him yesterday, so I also signed for him today.
Then PBL time I also did not look at him, great success again!!!
But am I right that he cut his hair already??
By the way, he did not wait for us for lunch.
So, MY came and asked me, why KM did not have lunch with us? He leaved so fast?
When we were on the way the cafe, and I just distracted her by analyzing the length of the legs and angle relationship.
Since we were not having lunch with KM, so except me and Lyn, they both (MY & YY) found their own seats and sat separately with us.
Only YL who is blurred after that joined us for lunch.
While Ming was sitting alone facing the wall.
So after lunch, we went to BPSP and read the simplify story of Buddha life, and I slept nicely for half an hour before another clinical teaching started. The aircond is so cold and the sofa is so soft, I was so comfortable, hahahaha!!!
Then we went upstairs and I saw him sitting on the comfortable single sofa.
I ignored his presence and straight away went to LC, and I miss her so much, hahaha!!!
And suddenly when I took a peek on him, I felt that he was hiding his sight which was to my direction, misinterpretation again??
And I really hope him to laugh..
Since we become this kind of relationship, he does not mingle with others and laughed.
He was alone and did not talk much...
How can I put my main purpose aside, and made him unhappy with me.
My main purpose is, to let him not lonely when he is alone, try to approach him, talk to him, make him happy, then I will happy too.
And I should not have other thought more than letting him happy.
So we went to the room, where we had our history taking session.
OMG OMG OMG!!!
MY was obsessed to stand beside him!!!
Everytime she laughed, amused, shared something, she will look to him, even sometimes he did not look at her.
Hohohoho~~
OMG OMG!!
YY too, but cause I do not want to face to his direction, so I was not observing much about YY.
While Lyn, hmmm....
She looked to his direction too, but maybe she found that Ming was
not looking to her, so she changed to share her laughter with Imran.
Maybe MY symptoms too obvious and I want to confirm her case first, as last week we thought that she has something with YL, but now, my diagnosis is MY likes KM, but since YL wants to chase her, then she will give chance to him and enjoy the moments. Yet she realized that YL actually no intention to chase her, so she puts her attention back to KM.
Actually what I want to tell is, human share their feeling with the one they think that know them and understand them.
Well, I am not the only observer in this world, at least I know Alfred does the same thing as me, hahahaha, I am not afraid to tell, I am a stalker like that!!!
I looked to Amu a lot, she too looked to me, so sweet~~~
And actually I limit myself not to look at him, I can see Amu, I can see MY, I can see his body below the neck. Ya, it is better when I already know that he will look to other directions, other girls, although I can not control myself to look to his direction, but I will not let my sight to reach to his eyes. What's the point if I look to a person who definitely will not share his laughter with me, who will never understand my feeling. And Amu's smiles and MY shy shy face enlightened me a lot.
Oh ya, I nearly forget that.
I had a dream this morning, I was with him.
My friends and family planned to prank me, I think that is my birthday or some special occasion, but actually the main victim is him.
And when I went to a room to change cloth, he was sitting on a box, some kind of storeroom, while I was walking into the room, people outside was telling a joke, he was hiding inside and listening to the joke, and he laughed.
He was hiding his laughter from crowd, that I do not know why, and I saw that.
I walked to him, he was still laughing.
And I was so enjoyed watching his laugh...
And I was so scared that he will stop laughing when he sees me, and so I put my fingers into his mouth and pulled apart, to have his smile and laugh hold longer...
*I feel sadness everytime I flashed back*
During the morning clinical teaching, I saw his laughter。
It is exactly same laughter in my dream...
Sadness and happiness fill my heart at the same time.
Should I happy to see his laughter, or should I sad that I hope so much to see his laughter??
*mean I rarely can see his laughter, pathetically*
Then in physical examination session...
Errrmmmm, I was totally lost.
I mean...
He was standing behind us with a bedside table in between.
Before that he was standing far away from me, but this also mean that he was far for the bed.
The doctor was at the right bedside, I was at the end of left bedside, so he went to the another side with MY in between.
When he tried to step forward closer to the patient, MY blocked him cause she also stepped closer to the bed.
Finally he went behind of us and Amu invaded between me and MY, hahaha!!
I always make a hole to let him see, but I not sure that was I blocking him.
He was talking softly behind me...
That made me loss my rational >.<
I needed to take a few deep breathes to calm myself down...
OMG OMG, I can not imagine if he is whispering to my ear >.<
Stop!!!!
Luckily that time the doctor was teaching the inspiration and expiration steps to palpate liver and spleen >.<
I was so nervous and my mind mess around!!!
I need to train myself more so that this kind of situation will not occur again.
And the most effective way is, avoid him!!!
No stand beside him, around him, must stay 3 meters away!!!!!
Lastly, when signed attendance, he went away, and far from me, and he did not sign yet.
I showed him the attendance sheet, and he signaled me to sign for him.
Ok, 1st, he just cared of his attendance, 2nd, at least he did not ignored me already.
I think with this progression, we will be back to friends soon.
Again, I want to stress, I did not allow my heart to feel, so, I am still under control~~
And I should continue my efforts, he started to believe that I do not like him anymore.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Turn it off
Went to lecture hall today but did not see him, thought that he skipped the class again but I think I kepo already cause I signed for him.
And later PBL time I heard that he woke up early to clinical teaching, so that's why I know that I kepo kepo helped people signed =.=
And he sat in front me during lunch but he went away straight after he finished his spaghetti.
He said he will go home by tomorrow night bus.
And when I finished reading newspaper with WC, I went upstairs and suddenly I saw him sitting there read newspaper.
I turned away and I do not want to look at him.
I know this is obvious but I have no other choice.
The situation is not awkward for me because I can not see his face.
I think he is right, this is better for me and him.
I read another book which is about the founder of an charity organization in Taiwan.
And I slept with an opened mouth for 30mins in library, hahahahaha!!!!
So we went to FLM, hoping he will appear, but he did not.
Lyn signed for him immediately before me, hohohohoho, she started her actions already~~
Then we played badminton from about quarter to 4 till before quarter to 7.
Ming came to play with Lyn.
Because they discussed about that during the way to cafe.
So we played double.
I do not want to pair with Ming, cause we will have nothing to say either we win or lose.
I have to see his emotionless face everytime I hit the shuttlecock wrong or right.
He will not have any conversation with me.
I rather to pair with Dharsan..
I made a few mistakes that made Ming can easily smashed us, he laughed, but, not to me.
I really did not look at him during the whole match.
I looked at the net, the floor, the shuttlecock.
I took the net as opaque body to obstruct my sight into his eyes, optical illusion that I no need to look into his eyes whenever I needed to service the shuttlecock to him.
When the match started, he made joke of Lyn "Seriously?"
Huhhh...
I turned my feeling off already I think.
Now I am just using my brain to think.
Not my heart to feel.
I success.
And he knew it.
And later PBL time I heard that he woke up early to clinical teaching, so that's why I know that I kepo kepo helped people signed =.=
And he sat in front me during lunch but he went away straight after he finished his spaghetti.
He said he will go home by tomorrow night bus.
And when I finished reading newspaper with WC, I went upstairs and suddenly I saw him sitting there read newspaper.
I turned away and I do not want to look at him.
I know this is obvious but I have no other choice.
The situation is not awkward for me because I can not see his face.
I think he is right, this is better for me and him.
I read another book which is about the founder of an charity organization in Taiwan.
And I slept with an opened mouth for 30mins in library, hahahahaha!!!!
So we went to FLM, hoping he will appear, but he did not.
Lyn signed for him immediately before me, hohohohoho, she started her actions already~~
Then we played badminton from about quarter to 4 till before quarter to 7.
Ming came to play with Lyn.
Because they discussed about that during the way to cafe.
So we played double.
I do not want to pair with Ming, cause we will have nothing to say either we win or lose.
I have to see his emotionless face everytime I hit the shuttlecock wrong or right.
He will not have any conversation with me.
I rather to pair with Dharsan..
I made a few mistakes that made Ming can easily smashed us, he laughed, but, not to me.
I really did not look at him during the whole match.
I looked at the net, the floor, the shuttlecock.
I took the net as opaque body to obstruct my sight into his eyes, optical illusion that I no need to look into his eyes whenever I needed to service the shuttlecock to him.
When the match started, he made joke of Lyn "Seriously?"
Huhhh...
I turned my feeling off already I think.
Now I am just using my brain to think.
Not my heart to feel.
I success.
And he knew it.
Reading-28.4.2012
I read 4 books.
2 of them are about Buddhism and 2 of them are from same author, while he is a Buddhist.
The similarity of the books are, we must have calm inside, then just we can see through the happening in us and around us.
We must know what we actually want, and then just we can know what we should do.
The 2 books wrote by the same author, claimed that we should love, we should not limit ourselves from enjoying. But with no forcing, when happiness come, enjoyed it, when pain come, feel it. Do not hide it, do not avoid it, do not pretend you do not know it.
The author have some disagreement about Buddhism I think.
And his book did give me the answer of my wonder about the law of attraction.
Although just in 1 sentence.
Let me explain why I am so interested in the law of attraction.
My friends ZL and WP are applying that and I was confused.
Cause I am the type of person who will think of the worst thing in life before it happens, so mean that in law of attraction, what I think will come true.
So my friends said I should learn to turn my mindset that everything will be fine and go in a good way.
But I still think that, will I disappointed if the things do not occur.
Or I have the false hope about it??
The author said something that make me clear.
He said that people who apply the law of attraction, will get what they want, and it will develop some kind of greed. And more and more things they will hope for.
So he said, why not we do not receive, we give.
We give out our kind thought, we appreciate what we get.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Realised
Lyn finally admitted she likes Ming.
I explained to her using personal space theory.
She does not mind if he is touching her, he is near to her, close to her.
And she can not accept if other guys like Iki or Changhong sit near to her and even can intact unintentionally.
I poked the secret out.
And I want to see the consequences.
Actually am I too evil to make this clear??
And she showed that she just realized this fact.
i think before that she is shy or do really want to admit it.
Like what she said "Once you say it out, it become more real."
List:
1. Lyn- confirmed
2. YY- confirmed
3. Jo- confirmed
4. Carmen Y- confirmed
5. Carmen K- unsure/influenced by Jo
6. MY- unsure/attracted to YL
7. Fion- unsure/maybe just admire
8. QJ- unsure/past tense
9. SM- confirmed_rejected
That I heard that he really admires WC before, and that is his type.
I explained to her using personal space theory.
She does not mind if he is touching her, he is near to her, close to her.
And she can not accept if other guys like Iki or Changhong sit near to her and even can intact unintentionally.
I poked the secret out.
And I want to see the consequences.
Actually am I too evil to make this clear??
And she showed that she just realized this fact.
i think before that she is shy or do really want to admit it.
Like what she said "Once you say it out, it become more real."
List:
1. Lyn- confirmed
2. YY- confirmed
3. Jo- confirmed
4. Carmen Y- confirmed
5. Carmen K- unsure/influenced by Jo
6. MY- unsure/attracted to YL
7. Fion- unsure/maybe just admire
8. QJ- unsure/past tense
9. SM- confirmed_rejected
That I heard that he really admires WC before, and that is his type.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Quote
I don't want to know anything about you,
because I don't want to feel sad...
because I don't want to feel sad...
I heard that he looked to Amu when Lyn talked, he was teasing her speaking.
I really do not want to hear anything of him anymore...
I feel anger when I heard that, and after that, what is my right to be angry??
No way, do not influence by him anymore!!!!
No way, do not influence by him anymore!!!!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Badminton
I started to play badminton yesterday....
After clinical teaching I waited for LC till 6pm and we played till 7pm like that.
Ming had lunch with us for about 5 minutes.
He went away after finished his spaghetti, and he is busy?
I did not look at him much.
But I looked at him when he was explaining.
I saw the hardworking him highlighting the note.
Today, he did not go to class.
That I thought he went to other places again.
And then I went to play badminton again.
So I got the chance to see him.
And I controlled myself not to look at him.
I think I took peek on him about 6-7 times.
He was wearing white and before I left he took off his shirt to sleeveless shirt which is grey color.
Just a peek, and I saw him wore glasses.
Is his vision become weaker??
I played at the site of can look to him initially and I changed to opposite site to force myself not to look at him.
And before he came, I told LC he is the one, cause I think that is unfair to her that I know her crush but she does not know mine.
So she also advised that I am not compatible to him, and his type of girl totally different from me and maybe is the clubbing wild type.
And she asked me not to fall too deep, should withdraw myself earlier.
The time with his existence, I controlled myself to not look to his site, but I still can hear his voice...
So lastly I met Ken and I left before we can chat.
There is a lot of chances that we can chat, cause I will always going to play badminton, and I feel stress with his existence.
Who is the girl he likes?
After clinical teaching I waited for LC till 6pm and we played till 7pm like that.
Ming had lunch with us for about 5 minutes.
He went away after finished his spaghetti, and he is busy?
I did not look at him much.
But I looked at him when he was explaining.
I saw the hardworking him highlighting the note.
Today, he did not go to class.
That I thought he went to other places again.
And then I went to play badminton again.
So I got the chance to see him.
And I controlled myself not to look at him.
I think I took peek on him about 6-7 times.
He was wearing white and before I left he took off his shirt to sleeveless shirt which is grey color.
Just a peek, and I saw him wore glasses.
Is his vision become weaker??
I played at the site of can look to him initially and I changed to opposite site to force myself not to look at him.
And before he came, I told LC he is the one, cause I think that is unfair to her that I know her crush but she does not know mine.
So she also advised that I am not compatible to him, and his type of girl totally different from me and maybe is the clubbing wild type.
And she asked me not to fall too deep, should withdraw myself earlier.
The time with his existence, I controlled myself to not look to his site, but I still can hear his voice...
So lastly I met Ken and I left before we can chat.
There is a lot of chances that we can chat, cause I will always going to play badminton, and I feel stress with his existence.
Who is the girl he likes?
Monday, April 23, 2012
Feeling
I like this photo very much.
The feeling is nice, I mean, both our face expression are sweet.
And the love environment is pure, simple and happy, and young.
So I decided I have to take this kind of light feeling wedding photo in my future.
I never take such photo with a guy, this is my first time.
Even with Jambu, we have no chance no occasion to take this kind of photo.
Actually I hope the guy is Ming, but dream never come true.
That's why I found someone similar to him, wearing black coat, dance the Smooth Criminal, has small eyes.
Place
He finally online, but I am not going to start any conversation.
Just think back to the time we never talk before, who am I to him?
I never have a place, even as a friend.
How I can expect myself take any importance in his life??
Why am I so silly??
Just think back to the time we never talk before, who am I to him?
I never have a place, even as a friend.
How I can expect myself take any importance in his life??
Why am I so silly??
Stalker
I stalked at him again...
He read an article...
And...
I tried to read too...
Hmmm, not understand...
He read an article...
And...
I tried to read too...
Hmmm, not understand...
Controlled
I am pretending happy now??
I carry on my life, I do not want to feel guilty or what when he sees me as sad Moon.
But everytime after I pretend that I am fine, I hide my sad or poker face from my friends...
I opened the door, he was in front of me.
With his poker face, I tried my best to smile and said "Good Morning" to him.
And I lost my way, incident: Actually I planned to use the lift to go down, after meeting him, I walked to the stairs.. And Wendy asked me why I was using the stairs... *Embarrassing*
Later in the tutor room, I kept playing around, opened my mouth to talk, to show him I am fine without him.
He saw me happy with my life now, I still the playful Moon.
I winked to my friends, he had no response to all those silly stuffs I did.
I totally ignored his existence.
Cause I did that to all guys in the lecture hall.
Cause I do not really care of other guy friends, except him...
I talked about Ah Yik, the junior, I show that I am happy whenever I talk about him, and ya, I hide the emptiness from my friends after that, because he is not really the source of my happiness.
Ming is the one...
But he do not care.
His new spec with black box, the old one is with white box, with his drawing in the lecture hall by pen.
Why he wears full time??
It will become a habit and later really have to wear all the time.
He changes his belt too, a striking white color.
His hair style is nice.
His scent is ok.
And I feel something when thinking of who is the lucky girl that he wants to attract, that can make him put effort to style his hair, wear smart, put cologne everyday.
I still experience the pain.
I carry on my life, I do not want to feel guilty or what when he sees me as sad Moon.
But everytime after I pretend that I am fine, I hide my sad or poker face from my friends...
I opened the door, he was in front of me.
With his poker face, I tried my best to smile and said "Good Morning" to him.
And I lost my way, incident: Actually I planned to use the lift to go down, after meeting him, I walked to the stairs.. And Wendy asked me why I was using the stairs... *Embarrassing*
Later in the tutor room, I kept playing around, opened my mouth to talk, to show him I am fine without him.
He saw me happy with my life now, I still the playful Moon.
I winked to my friends, he had no response to all those silly stuffs I did.
I totally ignored his existence.
Cause I did that to all guys in the lecture hall.
Cause I do not really care of other guy friends, except him...
I talked about Ah Yik, the junior, I show that I am happy whenever I talk about him, and ya, I hide the emptiness from my friends after that, because he is not really the source of my happiness.
Ming is the one...
But he do not care.
His new spec with black box, the old one is with white box, with his drawing in the lecture hall by pen.
Why he wears full time??
It will become a habit and later really have to wear all the time.
He changes his belt too, a striking white color.
His hair style is nice.
His scent is ok.
And I feel something when thinking of who is the lucky girl that he wants to attract, that can make him put effort to style his hair, wear smart, put cologne everyday.
I still experience the pain.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Still Pain
I went to Dharmma Camp...
I learnt how to relax, and I tried learn how to put down the feeling, how to become calm, but once I think about him, I feel pain, I feel something.
In my life, if he will exist, no matter how, he will come to me, if he is not my fate, then he will go away no matter how I try to want him.
I learnt how to relax, and I tried learn how to put down the feeling, how to become calm, but once I think about him, I feel pain, I feel something.
In my life, if he will exist, no matter how, he will come to me, if he is not my fate, then he will go away no matter how I try to want him.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Quiet
I became a quiet girl.
Is it a grow?
My friends said I abnormal for last few days...
I think maybe in front of food, my mood better...
I miss him, read back old conversation, try to find out how we become weirder and weirder...
And it is all of sudden, I did not find him because he was not online, and we have less and less contact and he do not want to talk to me totally after holiday.
He totally ignores me until now.
I am hurt.
I am sad.
I want him.
I need him.
I should not have this thought.
It will make me suffer...
I close my eyes and think of him, then I can feel the pain.
But I rather to feel the pain, than forget his existence, his smile, his talk, his good.
Maybe it is a kind of love, that is quite cruel to myself, that I should learn to enjoy the pain.
Is it a grow?
My friends said I abnormal for last few days...
I think maybe in front of food, my mood better...
I miss him, read back old conversation, try to find out how we become weirder and weirder...
And it is all of sudden, I did not find him because he was not online, and we have less and less contact and he do not want to talk to me totally after holiday.
He totally ignores me until now.
I am hurt.
I am sad.
I want him.
I need him.
I should not have this thought.
It will make me suffer...
I close my eyes and think of him, then I can feel the pain.
But I rather to feel the pain, than forget his existence, his smile, his talk, his good.
Maybe it is a kind of love, that is quite cruel to myself, that I should learn to enjoy the pain.
Fake
That I think Ming is fake.
That Ming think Lyn is fake.
That Lyn think Ming is fake too.
It's an triangle.
Yesterday we went to our Medical Computer Lab, he was laughing, sighing, complaining and talking.
This is so him.
The real him.
A guy with lot of expressions, talkative, laugh loudly...
He is not the kind of cool guy that he is trying to be.
Please, do not shape oneself to be another person.
The guy who really cool is SinY who is expert in playing badminton, Ming's friend.
And Lyn changed her mind to go back home during the period in lab.
What made her changed her decision?
Is it she went back with Ming??
On same bus...
That they are happily together??
I am still mind of this...
Please, Moon, do not care anymore.
I realised when I was not close to Ming, he was a original him, and after that, he became weird.
Now, I am far away from him, he became original him again.
I feel want to cry.
Am I so so scary until he has different attitude to me??
He said, do not confuse, the personalities is who he is, the attitudes is about who I am.
That Ming think Lyn is fake.
That Lyn think Ming is fake too.
It's an triangle.
Yesterday we went to our Medical Computer Lab, he was laughing, sighing, complaining and talking.
This is so him.
The real him.
A guy with lot of expressions, talkative, laugh loudly...
He is not the kind of cool guy that he is trying to be.
Please, do not shape oneself to be another person.
The guy who really cool is SinY who is expert in playing badminton, Ming's friend.
And Lyn changed her mind to go back home during the period in lab.
What made her changed her decision?
Is it she went back with Ming??
On same bus...
That they are happily together??
I am still mind of this...
Please, Moon, do not care anymore.
I realised when I was not close to Ming, he was a original him, and after that, he became weird.
Now, I am far away from him, he became original him again.
I feel want to cry.
Am I so so scary until he has different attitude to me??
He said, do not confuse, the personalities is who he is, the attitudes is about who I am.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Try being COOL
I like, you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
And you're, talkin' to me one on one
But you become
Somebody else
'Round everyone else
Your watchin' your back
Like you can't relax
You tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
You fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get, and you turn it into
Honestly, you promised me
I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no
When we're drivin' in your car
And you're, talkin' to me one on one
But you become
Somebody else
'Round everyone else
Your watchin' your back
Like you can't relax
You tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
You fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get, and you turn it into
Honestly, you promised me
I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no
Monday, April 16, 2012
Closer
Although Lyn told me she hates Ming who is rude, but actually she is trying to convince herself to hate him.
And still I am not talking to him yet.
So Lyn suggested that I have no need to talk to him.
She cares of him although she said the different things.
I am happy with my group, playing around, eating around, hahaha!!!
We just walked for an hour, then we rest until Fion came, we chatted and then we went to have brunch.
We ate fried squid and other fried things in a Chinese stall.
Then we went back continued our chatting.
Finally at 2pm, we had our lunch, I ate 2 chicken wings and 2 small fried so called "kampung fish" with some vege.
After I finished our area, we went to help Iki, ans there we got to enjoy ABC in that hot weather about 3 something!!! Thanks to Azri who sembang kuat with the owner of the stall...
She put green sauce, red sauce, orange sauce, sugar syrup, condensed milk and pulut, sagu and cendol~~~ Wow!!!!
After eating that, we felt so calm cool and cold~~~
Feel GOOD!!!
Later we continued our work with Fion drove us to a new area.
We waited long time for the bus, cause we were not waiting at the usual gather place.
When I got into the bus, I sat with Lyn.
And we chatted. About Perhentian trip.
Later we saw Ming's hands putting up to his head on the seat cushion.
She touched his fingers like, they are very close...
Like they are couple...
Like they already crossed the wall, reached the world of romance that can play with each other's fingers...
Yes, I jealous.
And I turned away once I saw that.
At the moment, suddenly she stood up asked me to shift to other seat.
The sun shined into our side, she wanted to avoid it.
Or she was shocked with her own behavior??
That suddenly touched a guy's fingers??
What I think is, she had developed "the need to have physical contact with the one she like".
Is a romance in her heart that she touched his fingers.
I am sad.
I am very very very sad.
Cause previously, I had a lot of chances to do that, but I did not allow myself to do this.
It is worthless if the guy has no same feeling with me.
It is precious if both of the guy and the girl have the same feeling to each other.
The moments that I touched him, I felt suddenly I am alert, the feeling of his fingers and his actions all that.
But that all were my imaginations.
Pointless.
So today I ate 1 Gardenia bun for breakfast, then together ate Gardenia choco cake with Lyn, 2 packs of peanuts, 1 piece of cake, the brunch, the lunch, then ABC, and now no dinner...
T.T
Tomorrow will go another stall for breakfast~~~
^.^
And still I am not talking to him yet.
So Lyn suggested that I have no need to talk to him.
She cares of him although she said the different things.
I am happy with my group, playing around, eating around, hahaha!!!
We just walked for an hour, then we rest until Fion came, we chatted and then we went to have brunch.
We ate fried squid and other fried things in a Chinese stall.
Then we went back continued our chatting.
Finally at 2pm, we had our lunch, I ate 2 chicken wings and 2 small fried so called "kampung fish" with some vege.
After I finished our area, we went to help Iki, ans there we got to enjoy ABC in that hot weather about 3 something!!! Thanks to Azri who sembang kuat with the owner of the stall...
She put green sauce, red sauce, orange sauce, sugar syrup, condensed milk and pulut, sagu and cendol~~~ Wow!!!!
After eating that, we felt so calm cool and cold~~~
Feel GOOD!!!
Later we continued our work with Fion drove us to a new area.
We waited long time for the bus, cause we were not waiting at the usual gather place.
When I got into the bus, I sat with Lyn.
And we chatted. About Perhentian trip.
Later we saw Ming's hands putting up to his head on the seat cushion.
She touched his fingers like, they are very close...
Like they are couple...
Like they already crossed the wall, reached the world of romance that can play with each other's fingers...
Yes, I jealous.
And I turned away once I saw that.
At the moment, suddenly she stood up asked me to shift to other seat.
The sun shined into our side, she wanted to avoid it.
Or she was shocked with her own behavior??
That suddenly touched a guy's fingers??
What I think is, she had developed "the need to have physical contact with the one she like".
Is a romance in her heart that she touched his fingers.
I am sad.
I am very very very sad.
Cause previously, I had a lot of chances to do that, but I did not allow myself to do this.
It is worthless if the guy has no same feeling with me.
It is precious if both of the guy and the girl have the same feeling to each other.
The moments that I touched him, I felt suddenly I am alert, the feeling of his fingers and his actions all that.
But that all were my imaginations.
Pointless.
So today I ate 1 Gardenia bun for breakfast, then together ate Gardenia choco cake with Lyn, 2 packs of peanuts, 1 piece of cake, the brunch, the lunch, then ABC, and now no dinner...
T.T
Tomorrow will go another stall for breakfast~~~
^.^
Jealousy
Hmmm....
This morning, Lyn sat with Ming when we were the way to village, cause there were 2 seats left, I did not choose to sit with him.
During lunch time, he slept with his eyes cover.
And later saw him walking under the sun...
Guys have this type of advantages, one of them is the darker the manness more.
T.T
Me became darker and darker already...
Today our progression was slow.
But because we cheated in the questionnaires...
And I met one little cute boy, 7 year-old, has a pair of cute double eyelids and long eye lashes and cute cheeks!!
He likes sweets and his teeth hmmm... look like ate too much sweets and sugar...
On the way back to campus, Lyn searched for me and that time I was arranging my forms..
So she took another seat...
Then Ming sat beside her, he chose to.
And I did not want to look at this.
I was too tired.
And I also too tired to meet Sifu, tomorrow I definitely will go and meet him.
Before I went sleep, I did meditation, but I do not know whether it was a meditation, or just an attempt to sleep.
I have a few different stages.
And Buddha image appears in my mind when I was in between conscious and unconscious.
I sleep from 8pm till 2am.
Now is the time I go back to sleep again.
Good Night.
This morning, Lyn sat with Ming when we were the way to village, cause there were 2 seats left, I did not choose to sit with him.
During lunch time, he slept with his eyes cover.
And later saw him walking under the sun...
Guys have this type of advantages, one of them is the darker the manness more.
T.T
Me became darker and darker already...
Today our progression was slow.
But because we cheated in the questionnaires...
And I met one little cute boy, 7 year-old, has a pair of cute double eyelids and long eye lashes and cute cheeks!!
He likes sweets and his teeth hmmm... look like ate too much sweets and sugar...
On the way back to campus, Lyn searched for me and that time I was arranging my forms..
So she took another seat...
Then Ming sat beside her, he chose to.
And I did not want to look at this.
I was too tired.
And I also too tired to meet Sifu, tomorrow I definitely will go and meet him.
Before I went sleep, I did meditation, but I do not know whether it was a meditation, or just an attempt to sleep.
I have a few different stages.
And Buddha image appears in my mind when I was in between conscious and unconscious.
I sleep from 8pm till 2am.
Now is the time I go back to sleep again.
Good Night.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Sifu
I went to hear a Sifu's talk yesterday.
He can read people's mind.
He told a lot of things.
He really very smart and he can see many things.
Somehow I wish to be like him.
That is full of wisdom.Then he can see through what happened to me during my young age.
He said we should accept ourselves, bad or good, that are done to be the "me" now.
He said we should cherish at the moment, do it to the max.
He said a lot and now I am too tired to recall...
But actually in this half year I get over with it already.
So, that might not bother me anymore.
And I think I can get over with Ming too cause religion is more stronger than this kind of fragile feeling.
I talked with GX until 4am yesterday.
The problems I face recently.
That I think Jambu is much more higher standard than me.
By the way, today proved what I said yesterday.
When I was around with Lyn and Amu, he wont come close to talk to them.
And when I heard him said that "Lyn is the one who did not write B in front of the numbering"
Ya, I jealous.
He knew her actions her attitudes her everything.
I tried to ignore this.
And next time be immured, Moon.
He being high on the bus, a happy him.
That is more suit his face, and I prefer that expression appears on his face, than the cool him.
*They were competing the number of houses visited.*
He can read people's mind.
He told a lot of things.
He really very smart and he can see many things.
Somehow I wish to be like him.
That is full of wisdom.Then he can see through what happened to me during my young age.
He said we should accept ourselves, bad or good, that are done to be the "me" now.
He said we should cherish at the moment, do it to the max.
He said a lot and now I am too tired to recall...
But actually in this half year I get over with it already.
So, that might not bother me anymore.
And I think I can get over with Ming too cause religion is more stronger than this kind of fragile feeling.
I talked with GX until 4am yesterday.
The problems I face recently.
That I think Jambu is much more higher standard than me.
By the way, today proved what I said yesterday.
When I was around with Lyn and Amu, he wont come close to talk to them.
And when I heard him said that "Lyn is the one who did not write B in front of the numbering"
Ya, I jealous.
He knew her actions her attitudes her everything.
I tried to ignore this.
And next time be immured, Moon.
He being high on the bus, a happy him.
That is more suit his face, and I prefer that expression appears on his face, than the cool him.
*They were competing the number of houses visited.*
Friday, April 13, 2012
A Walk in Village
I was excited with this programme, and suddenly they changed the groups.
I became a quiet girl this whole day.
Cried would not help, but I did cry cause I'm to fragile.
And, I still mind of Ming...
Oh ya, yesterday he introduced himself as Ching like always.
That's why we all shocked when he introduced himself as Ming.
And he changed his glasses I think, cause I remember the last one is frameless.
He can talk to others, but if I am around, he will not come close.
He chatted with them, told them his stories.
It was quite loud, but he was telling them, he never want to tell me his stories.
He never want me to know.
And, I was telling myself, I do not want to hear, I do not want to know more about him, I do not want to influence by him, I do not mind of him.
These thoughts kept appear in my mind.
I am one step closer to get over him.
I am distanced myself from him.
I bet if I go near to them and hear what they chat, he will stop telling, and the situation will become awkward.
If he does not stop talking, then I will fall more.
Yes, this is the better way to me to get over with him.
I am not tired today cause we just walked for 1 hour.
Other time spent to wait.
I became a quiet girl this whole day.
Cried would not help, but I did cry cause I'm to fragile.
And, I still mind of Ming...
Oh ya, yesterday he introduced himself as Ching like always.
That's why we all shocked when he introduced himself as Ming.
And he changed his glasses I think, cause I remember the last one is frameless.
He can talk to others, but if I am around, he will not come close.
He chatted with them, told them his stories.
It was quite loud, but he was telling them, he never want to tell me his stories.
He never want me to know.
And, I was telling myself, I do not want to hear, I do not want to know more about him, I do not want to influence by him, I do not mind of him.
These thoughts kept appear in my mind.
I am one step closer to get over him.
I am distanced myself from him.
I bet if I go near to them and hear what they chat, he will stop telling, and the situation will become awkward.
If he does not stop talking, then I will fall more.
Yes, this is the better way to me to get over with him.
I am not tired today cause we just walked for 1 hour.
Other time spent to wait.
Speech not same as HEART
Yes, I am abnormal.
Although I am not jealous, but I mind it...
Lyn same group with Ming, and she complaint that she in the same group with him.
And when we went out for our lunch tomorrow, she was so busy texting.
And finally she told us when she said Ming wanted a lot of bun for his lunch.
And means she think of him and cares of him.
I am the one who believe her that she not mind of him??
Sure she wont want to shift to my group even the group combine.
Cause she wants to stay beside him.
So, Moon, do not disturb people contacts like what she did to me, let things happen...
By the way, I really gave up already cause I did not feel I should jealous.
Just think that both of them should have a potential space~
Although I am not jealous, but I mind it...
Lyn same group with Ming, and she complaint that she in the same group with him.
And when we went out for our lunch tomorrow, she was so busy texting.
And finally she told us when she said Ming wanted a lot of bun for his lunch.
And means she think of him and cares of him.
I am the one who believe her that she not mind of him??
Sure she wont want to shift to my group even the group combine.
Cause she wants to stay beside him.
So, Moon, do not disturb people contacts like what she did to me, let things happen...
By the way, I really gave up already cause I did not feel I should jealous.
Just think that both of them should have a potential space~
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Chatting
Oh ya, he is currently chatting with Yen Yen I think.
I mean the fishing or what.
Cause seem like she know his itinerary a lot.
He went to Sabah.
The more I knew, the more I think I'm a stupid.
Recently I ate a lot, I'm not energetic.
Really, I will hyperactive when he is around.
Now is to show that I'm very very very very fine.
It's tiring...
I mean the fishing or what.
Cause seem like she know his itinerary a lot.
He went to Sabah.
The more I knew, the more I think I'm a stupid.
Recently I ate a lot, I'm not energetic.
Really, I will hyperactive when he is around.
Now is to show that I'm very very very very fine.
It's tiring...
Mean
He was so mean to me.
I waved to him to direct him that we had a meeting inside the department, and he just pretended he did not see that.
Fine!!!!
And maybe he heard my request from my heart??
He combed his hair like before we became close.
That he asked us for comments, that he said if people said not good means have to change.
I like that hair style, it is the hair he took photo with a girl with his glasses.
And ya, he wore his spec today.
So long time did not seeing him with glasses.
I like this him.
I thought we were back to the time when we still not know each other, and he was polite to us.
But the reality is he already bored of us.
He changed his hair styles since we became closer and I was qualified to comment about his hair.
Now he is back to his normal??
About Joe testosterone theory???
Jay Chou hair style and Rain hair style also what I like and suit for him.
From above 3 hair styles, 2 showing his forehead and 1 covered.
I found some chances to peek on him, still charming of him to me...
Do not know he caught me or not.
But the frequency I looked at him less already.
I am not in the same group with him in this coming weekend.
Hmmmm, it is good that he can put less influences to me, and it is bad that I will not have contact with him.
Or both consider good cause I'm now trying very hard to fade all these feeling.
*Today my roommate shocked when she opened door for me-thought that I am a guy =.=*
I waved to him to direct him that we had a meeting inside the department, and he just pretended he did not see that.
Fine!!!!
And maybe he heard my request from my heart??
He combed his hair like before we became close.
That he asked us for comments, that he said if people said not good means have to change.
I like that hair style, it is the hair he took photo with a girl with his glasses.
And ya, he wore his spec today.
So long time did not seeing him with glasses.
I like this him.
I thought we were back to the time when we still not know each other, and he was polite to us.
But the reality is he already bored of us.
He changed his hair styles since we became closer and I was qualified to comment about his hair.
Now he is back to his normal??
About Joe testosterone theory???
Jay Chou hair style and Rain hair style also what I like and suit for him.
From above 3 hair styles, 2 showing his forehead and 1 covered.
I found some chances to peek on him, still charming of him to me...
Do not know he caught me or not.
But the frequency I looked at him less already.
I am not in the same group with him in this coming weekend.
Hmmmm, it is good that he can put less influences to me, and it is bad that I will not have contact with him.
Or both consider good cause I'm now trying very hard to fade all these feeling.
*Today my roommate shocked when she opened door for me-thought that I am a guy =.=*
Nothing
Was Joe testing me with him??
Cause I told Joe that the fishing guy was not Ming.
And he just treated it like nothing.
I wondered why Joe can think that Ming was fishing on me?
Ming never treat me as a girl, just treat me as a little boy.
And Joe think that I do not like Ming at all, that I felt guilty because I rejected him, that I felt angry when I knew he is fishing.
This is how Joe looks Ming.
By the way, I like Ming's previous hair, I like Ming's nature.
Cause I told Joe that the fishing guy was not Ming.
And he just treated it like nothing.
I wondered why Joe can think that Ming was fishing on me?
Ming never treat me as a girl, just treat me as a little boy.
And Joe think that I do not like Ming at all, that I felt guilty because I rejected him, that I felt angry when I knew he is fishing.
This is how Joe looks Ming.
By the way, I like Ming's previous hair, I like Ming's nature.
Reality
I like to think while I wash my cloth.
I want to tell Joe that the fishing guy was not Ming.
For all these while, I did not know Ming has fishing behavior.
And I'm not treated by him as a girl.
So, Joe bocor rahsia of Ming already.
And my first impression of Ming is a shy guy.
That's why till know I thought that he is shy, and actually he changed a lot after we first met.
He is not the guy I like in my imagination.
If a guy really likes you, he will try his best efforts to get you.
So, sorry to Moon, he does not like you.
And now I really understand Ming's feeling when he replied my facebook chat.
"Do not want to hurt her, so still reply her messages, slowly, cause she is not important, and do not want to talk much to her, if she asked some questions, do not let her know more about myself, later she will think too much."
Yes, cause I did these to G.
He does not want to hurt me.
He did not tell his friends about me.
I'm protected, as a girl.
Thanks, and, I really appreciate him as a friend.
And, all that just as friend.
I want to tell Joe that the fishing guy was not Ming.
For all these while, I did not know Ming has fishing behavior.
And I'm not treated by him as a girl.
So, Joe bocor rahsia of Ming already.
And my first impression of Ming is a shy guy.
That's why till know I thought that he is shy, and actually he changed a lot after we first met.
He is not the guy I like in my imagination.
If a guy really likes you, he will try his best efforts to get you.
So, sorry to Moon, he does not like you.
And now I really understand Ming's feeling when he replied my facebook chat.
"Do not want to hurt her, so still reply her messages, slowly, cause she is not important, and do not want to talk much to her, if she asked some questions, do not let her know more about myself, later she will think too much."
Yes, cause I did these to G.
He does not want to hurt me.
He did not tell his friends about me.
I'm protected, as a girl.
Thanks, and, I really appreciate him as a friend.
And, all that just as friend.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Earthquake
Just now when people feel earthquake, I think I feel dizziness??
Or because I lack of sleep??
Think back my moments with him.
One of it is that he told me what he did, what he planned to do in his daily life.
And now that I guess that, that day the girl who always chat with him not available for him, so he found me for a substitution .
All of the changes of him is co-incidence, cause in the time I fall for him, he falls for another girl, and willingly change for her.
By the way, the him who is shy during G.Stong is the Ming Ming I like, the him who watched meteors with me is the Ming Ming I like, the him who walked with me to cafe for lunch is the Ming Ming I like, the him who did something that I wish is the Ming Ming I like.
Yes, I'm too shallow, to like or to love the superficial him.
I fall for him while I do not know much about him.
And I fall deeper and deeper when I know him more.
I know that he is not perfect.
As I know he has fishing behavior, I do not mind.
As I know he is very cheap, I still cheat to myself that he is not.
As I know he always say different things with his thought and his actions, I still think that he is good guy.
This is called No Medicine to Cure...
Stop thinking about him!!!
Or because I lack of sleep??
Think back my moments with him.
One of it is that he told me what he did, what he planned to do in his daily life.
And now that I guess that, that day the girl who always chat with him not available for him, so he found me for a substitution .
All of the changes of him is co-incidence, cause in the time I fall for him, he falls for another girl, and willingly change for her.
By the way, the him who is shy during G.Stong is the Ming Ming I like, the him who watched meteors with me is the Ming Ming I like, the him who walked with me to cafe for lunch is the Ming Ming I like, the him who did something that I wish is the Ming Ming I like.
Yes, I'm too shallow, to like or to love the superficial him.
I fall for him while I do not know much about him.
And I fall deeper and deeper when I know him more.
I know that he is not perfect.
As I know he has fishing behavior, I do not mind.
As I know he is very cheap, I still cheat to myself that he is not.
As I know he always say different things with his thought and his actions, I still think that he is good guy.
This is called No Medicine to Cure...
Stop thinking about him!!!
Sandwich
Yesterday we had PBL, he did a eye contacts with me like last time, I knew thing is going to get better.
He was waiting and walking with us even not talking with us, I can know by his speed of walking.
*He is so nice to friends that I have a feeling of reluctant to give up loving him... But if we want to be friends again, I must give up.*
After I got my food, saw him sitting alone, asked him wanna join us for lunch or not, he was saying that he cant find us I think.
Then he said never mind.
We had our lunch separately.
So I sms him later.
I told him that all of those things just my imagination, and do not mind of unreal stuff. And it is tiring and weird to avoid each other.
When we got into CSC, when Lyn went out for Log Book, G came in and took over Lyn's seat.
I told him that was Lyn's place and he just ignored it.
And actually before that me and Lyn sat quite close, so G also sat close with me.
I felt umcomfortable with that.
I switched to the opposite of the table, where Ming was behind of me.
I felt umcomfortable with G, but I felt myself might be thought by Ming as "Another reason want to get closer to him". I hope that he will not think like that.
Too awkward that I scared every action of mine will be thought by him as a way to go around him.
T.T
By the way, I minded that if I get too near to him, he will feel unhappy and annoyed...
I reserved a seat for Lyn and I sat with ML.
And I tried my best efforts to show him that I get over with the history and I am happy now...
I laughed I played around, I smiled.
I forgot to say "Hi" and "Good Morning~", which is my routine when I am happy with everyday waking up and will see his face.
Oh ya, recently I was down.
And yesterday we woke up early for CFCS meeting.
I thought I will not see him for the whole week and even the time we in village.
And I had no thought when we went in the lecture hall.
Do not know why, I looked to Imran, and I saw someone talking to him.
The guy looked like very curious, I think he was asking about the reason of our together-appearances in lecture hall.
And I thought I too miss him until I have hallucination of him.
I looked again and again, finally I confirmed that "ya, it's him..."
What I thought that he was in Sarawak was wrong.
And I was charged, I no longer down...
Suddenly I hyperactively can joke with Lyn, can laugh with Lyn...
>.<
Ming, the source of my happiness??
Really???
So, he was walking around during the teaching and practice, the first time he did not rush out of the room.
He is really nice and calm and steady in doing any procedure, he always will give confidence to patients.
So I went back room and saw his message that he actually do not care of this.
Later I went buy ingredients for my herbal eggs.
Tiring...
Went ate the Grill Meat and felt not worth already.
By the way, I ate so many oils and even the crunchy pork adipose...
Straight away my voice gone, and I had headache on the way back from Up2u...
Bath and then cooked the eggs and the soup...
Some reserved as scrambled eggs, and a few for hard boiled eggs, and others for herbal eggs~.
Slept about 4am after did all that.
This morning woke up 830am.
And started to prepare everything, luckily Jo came and helped me.
Later Cindy also came and helped.
Huuu, if I did it all alone, I think 12pm just can finish all that.. T.T
My herbal eggs taste just nice now.
Just now talked with Joe.
He thought that the fishing guy was Ming.
I did not answered him nor denied.
Cause I wanted to know more about him..
Then I noticed that Ming has fishing behavior too..
Cause Joe told me when I said the guy who chat with many girls, the first came in his mind was Ming.
And he told me about Ming changed a lot.
From a guy who will not take off the shirt to a guy show off his abds.
Because of testosterone...
And now, ya, I just feel, maybe I'm too naive.
I knew that he chat with others, but just guessing.
Now confirm and it is not nice to know...
I think, maybe he just want to test his testosterone level.
To know that how many girls will fall for him.
Die heart.
He was waiting and walking with us even not talking with us, I can know by his speed of walking.
*He is so nice to friends that I have a feeling of reluctant to give up loving him... But if we want to be friends again, I must give up.*
After I got my food, saw him sitting alone, asked him wanna join us for lunch or not, he was saying that he cant find us I think.
Then he said never mind.
We had our lunch separately.
So I sms him later.
I told him that all of those things just my imagination, and do not mind of unreal stuff. And it is tiring and weird to avoid each other.
When we got into CSC, when Lyn went out for Log Book, G came in and took over Lyn's seat.
I told him that was Lyn's place and he just ignored it.
And actually before that me and Lyn sat quite close, so G also sat close with me.
I felt umcomfortable with that.
I switched to the opposite of the table, where Ming was behind of me.
I felt umcomfortable with G, but I felt myself might be thought by Ming as "Another reason want to get closer to him". I hope that he will not think like that.
Too awkward that I scared every action of mine will be thought by him as a way to go around him.
T.T
By the way, I minded that if I get too near to him, he will feel unhappy and annoyed...
I reserved a seat for Lyn and I sat with ML.
And I tried my best efforts to show him that I get over with the history and I am happy now...
I laughed I played around, I smiled.
I forgot to say "Hi" and "Good Morning~", which is my routine when I am happy with everyday waking up and will see his face.
Oh ya, recently I was down.
And yesterday we woke up early for CFCS meeting.
I thought I will not see him for the whole week and even the time we in village.
And I had no thought when we went in the lecture hall.
Do not know why, I looked to Imran, and I saw someone talking to him.
The guy looked like very curious, I think he was asking about the reason of our together-appearances in lecture hall.
And I thought I too miss him until I have hallucination of him.
I looked again and again, finally I confirmed that "ya, it's him..."
What I thought that he was in Sarawak was wrong.
And I was charged, I no longer down...
Suddenly I hyperactively can joke with Lyn, can laugh with Lyn...
>.<
Ming, the source of my happiness??
Really???
So, he was walking around during the teaching and practice, the first time he did not rush out of the room.
He is really nice and calm and steady in doing any procedure, he always will give confidence to patients.
So I went back room and saw his message that he actually do not care of this.
Later I went buy ingredients for my herbal eggs.
Tiring...
Went ate the Grill Meat and felt not worth already.
By the way, I ate so many oils and even the crunchy pork adipose...
Straight away my voice gone, and I had headache on the way back from Up2u...
Bath and then cooked the eggs and the soup...
Some reserved as scrambled eggs, and a few for hard boiled eggs, and others for herbal eggs~.
Slept about 4am after did all that.
This morning woke up 830am.
And started to prepare everything, luckily Jo came and helped me.
Later Cindy also came and helped.
Huuu, if I did it all alone, I think 12pm just can finish all that.. T.T
My herbal eggs taste just nice now.
Just now talked with Joe.
He thought that the fishing guy was Ming.
I did not answered him nor denied.
Cause I wanted to know more about him..
Then I noticed that Ming has fishing behavior too..
Cause Joe told me when I said the guy who chat with many girls, the first came in his mind was Ming.
And he told me about Ming changed a lot.
From a guy who will not take off the shirt to a guy show off his abds.
Because of testosterone...
And now, ya, I just feel, maybe I'm too naive.
I knew that he chat with others, but just guessing.
Now confirm and it is not nice to know...
I think, maybe he just want to test his testosterone level.
To know that how many girls will fall for him.
Die heart.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Funny
Found something interesting this week.
Rain danced Smooth Crinimal and Dangerous together, and also Thriller.
How a co-incidence...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fl5jyL7CFd0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DXWZWS76TQ
Haha, he showed me the abds already, the missions accomplished??
Left play guitar.
Rain danced Smooth Crinimal and Dangerous together, and also Thriller.
How a co-incidence...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fl5jyL7CFd0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DXWZWS76TQ
Haha, he showed me the abds already, the missions accomplished??
Left play guitar.
Lier
I'm gonna to tell him that for all this while, I was cheating him, that I just played with him.
I can tell to all my close friends that I miss them,
so included him I also can say to him easily I miss him.
I also can act that I like Kah Sui very much, and I knew that he has a very good girlfriend.
I am just playing with him and I do not feel any awkward moment with him because I was not sincere.
Since our friendship is threatened by this joke, I should declare that I am just playing with him.
I will not tell him this kind of joke to him anymore.
Just treat me as a silly girl enough already.
Like how Kjoe treats me.
Like how he previously treat me...
I can tell to all my close friends that I miss them,
so included him I also can say to him easily I miss him.
I also can act that I like Kah Sui very much, and I knew that he has a very good girlfriend.
I am just playing with him and I do not feel any awkward moment with him because I was not sincere.
Since our friendship is threatened by this joke, I should declare that I am just playing with him.
I will not tell him this kind of joke to him anymore.
Just treat me as a silly girl enough already.
Like how Kjoe treats me.
Like how he previously treat me...
Monday, April 9, 2012
Gave up
Just now talked with Joe, about fishing behavior.
And asked about Ming Ming, and he said he has high requirements of girlfriend than him.
Ok, I gave up.
Hohohohoho~~~
Yes, I'm not so serious with Ming Ming.
It is just a crush, and it will be nothing~~
^.^
And asked about Ming Ming, and he said he has high requirements of girlfriend than him.
Ok, I gave up.
Hohohohoho~~~
Yes, I'm not so serious with Ming Ming.
It is just a crush, and it will be nothing~~
^.^
Truth
Just knew this morning and this afternoon,
G is fishing now...
He fishes a lot of girls =.=
Luckily I am not cheated from the beginning =.=
But I feel bad for the girl who fall for him, or the girls who feel bad cause rejected him.
>.<
If the girl who fall for him knows that he is fishing for girls, then how sad will she experiences?
=.=
For the guilty I felt, now disappeared and I even have a thought of disgusted with him now =.=
So, Ming Ming said that G was shy cause he has no experience in this kind of thing,
the fact is, G wants to fish for girls that's why he did not make it clear that he want to chase anyone.
G is fishing now...
He fishes a lot of girls =.=
Luckily I am not cheated from the beginning =.=
But I feel bad for the girl who fall for him, or the girls who feel bad cause rejected him.
>.<
If the girl who fall for him knows that he is fishing for girls, then how sad will she experiences?
=.=
For the guilty I felt, now disappeared and I even have a thought of disgusted with him now =.=
So, Ming Ming said that G was shy cause he has no experience in this kind of thing,
the fact is, G wants to fish for girls that's why he did not make it clear that he want to chase anyone.
Moody
*Sigh*
My moody still present...
But it is better than previous weeks, at least I know something about him.
That he really cant face me.
And from PBL just now, I knew that he is in Sarawak now.
Unimas??
I told LC about my problem...
Without mentioning who is him.
She said he is not worth for me to suffer for him.
I directed LC to think that the person is from Medic 3.
And LC told me that Gary is chasing another girl.
Good for him...
*Is it Ming Ming also has this kind of relieving feeling when he knows Gary was chasing me?*
So it is better for me: last time I misunderstood Gary, that he actually likes another girl but not me.
^.^
I think I should start calling his normal name in FB.
"Ming Ming" <-- this term will just appear here from now on.
I should pretend that I get over with it already.
So that he will not feel weird anymore.
He will not notice if I do not tell him.
I regret to confess with him.
Cause we cant even be friends now.
At least when I am around he will not feel weird.
So that I not need to avoid him, to prevent that he will feel weird.
Am I obsessed with you???
I do my best, not to want you...
But I do all the time, I do all the time....
And I should learn that "To love when you are ready, not when you are lonely."
I will prepare myself.
To be a better girl.
This is a realistic world, I need pretty face and sexy body.
Although I prefer that I have a beautiful mind and positive thought.
I'm not kind-hearted yet I'm not cold-blooded.
Should I be a kind girl?
Kind girl is tiring herself.
I should be someone who just mind her own business??
But 1 thing that I want to hold is
"Let your smiles change the world, not the world changes your smile"
Recently I lost my smiles, my passion, my hyperactivity,
I should find them back, do sutures on my heart~~
^.^
Moon, you can do it!!!
Make Ming Ming confident that I just want to be his friend!!!
I am not greedy to have him!!!!!!
My moody still present...
But it is better than previous weeks, at least I know something about him.
That he really cant face me.
And from PBL just now, I knew that he is in Sarawak now.
Unimas??
I told LC about my problem...
Without mentioning who is him.
She said he is not worth for me to suffer for him.
I directed LC to think that the person is from Medic 3.
And LC told me that Gary is chasing another girl.
Good for him...
*Is it Ming Ming also has this kind of relieving feeling when he knows Gary was chasing me?*
So it is better for me: last time I misunderstood Gary, that he actually likes another girl but not me.
^.^
I think I should start calling his normal name in FB.
"Ming Ming" <-- this term will just appear here from now on.
I should pretend that I get over with it already.
So that he will not feel weird anymore.
He will not notice if I do not tell him.
I regret to confess with him.
Cause we cant even be friends now.
At least when I am around he will not feel weird.
So that I not need to avoid him, to prevent that he will feel weird.
Am I obsessed with you???
I do my best, not to want you...
But I do all the time, I do all the time....
And I should learn that "To love when you are ready, not when you are lonely."
I will prepare myself.
To be a better girl.
This is a realistic world, I need pretty face and sexy body.
Although I prefer that I have a beautiful mind and positive thought.
I'm not kind-hearted yet I'm not cold-blooded.
Should I be a kind girl?
Kind girl is tiring herself.
I should be someone who just mind her own business??
But 1 thing that I want to hold is
"Let your smiles change the world, not the world changes your smile"
Recently I lost my smiles, my passion, my hyperactivity,
I should find them back, do sutures on my heart~~
^.^
Moon, you can do it!!!
Make Ming Ming confident that I just want to be his friend!!!
I am not greedy to have him!!!!!!
Let's imagine
Please allow me to imagine that what I'll do if Ming Ming be my boyfriend.
*He just now replied me*
Hmmm, I will wait him to hold my hand, if not we just stay like friends and be polite. ^.^
I have a thought of creating love bites on his neck, hahahaha!!!!
Then he will not dare to show his neck, hahahaha!!!!
By the way, just now he asked me to keep avoiding him.
Very sad, but at least we can talk in facebook.
He said it's weird when faces me.
He said I always said miss him, but I told him at most 5 times only.
And I disappeared from his sight for more than 1 month already.
@.@
He said it is good for me and him.
I told him, if he ignores me, the weird feeling will be more, if he not ignores me, then it wont be weird.
Can I keep the feeling of liking him??
He is so my dream guy...
And I knew we always cant get what we dream for.
Ming, can you say that you like me too??
Can you say that you do not want me to avoid you??
Can you ask me to just look at you but not other guys???
Can you tell me that actually you are just hiding your feeling????
I'm now on the verge of a breakdown.
I do not know whether you were faking yourself, I want to know the truth.
Are you trying to trick from the very beginning??
Same as the one who played me???
You play with me too??
*He just now replied me*
Hmmm, I will wait him to hold my hand, if not we just stay like friends and be polite. ^.^
I have a thought of creating love bites on his neck, hahahaha!!!!
Then he will not dare to show his neck, hahahaha!!!!
By the way, just now he asked me to keep avoiding him.
Very sad, but at least we can talk in facebook.
He said it's weird when faces me.
He said I always said miss him, but I told him at most 5 times only.
And I disappeared from his sight for more than 1 month already.
@.@
He said it is good for me and him.
I told him, if he ignores me, the weird feeling will be more, if he not ignores me, then it wont be weird.
Can I keep the feeling of liking him??
He is so my dream guy...
And I knew we always cant get what we dream for.
Ming, can you say that you like me too??
Can you say that you do not want me to avoid you??
Can you ask me to just look at you but not other guys???
Can you tell me that actually you are just hiding your feeling????
I'm now on the verge of a breakdown.
I do not know whether you were faking yourself, I want to know the truth.
Are you trying to trick from the very beginning??
Same as the one who played me???
You play with me too??
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Expenditure
From my first year, I always travel around.
After my exam, I went Penang and bring my friends Pangkor. About RM400.
Then I went Hong Kong with Jambu. About RM1500.
Then I brought my family with Jambu went to Pulau Perhentian. About RM500.
My second first year, I went Teluk Intan and brough friends to Pangkor, spent about RM200.
Then I planned for Thailand with my parents and Wen Pei, and spent about RM1500.
1 weeks later, I went Singapore with Wen Pei and friends, spents about RM700.
1 month after Sg trip, I went Kedah and Penang with friends, spend about RM300.
I spent for my birthday and Amway's products for about RM850.
November 2011, I went Kuala Lumpur with family and met Jambu and friends, spent RM300.
December 2011, I went Kuala Lumpur with friends for shopping and spent RM500.
January 2012, I went Kuala Lumpur with parents and I spent RM200.
Recently I do not save in daily expenditure, and it costs me RM600 per month.
For the first week of April, I spent RM200.
That's mean I spent RM800 for 5 weeks..
Hmmm, plus I drink bottle water. No more Reverse Osmosis Water??
I think I lost RM100 and spent RM100 for my friends who study hard for their coming Selanjar 3.
Have to be a good girl who save money!!!
After my exam, I went Penang and bring my friends Pangkor. About RM400.
Then I went Hong Kong with Jambu. About RM1500.
Then I brought my family with Jambu went to Pulau Perhentian. About RM500.
My second first year, I went Teluk Intan and brough friends to Pangkor, spent about RM200.
Then I planned for Thailand with my parents and Wen Pei, and spent about RM1500.
1 weeks later, I went Singapore with Wen Pei and friends, spents about RM700.
1 month after Sg trip, I went Kedah and Penang with friends, spend about RM300.
I spent for my birthday and Amway's products for about RM850.
November 2011, I went Kuala Lumpur with family and met Jambu and friends, spent RM300.
December 2011, I went Kuala Lumpur with friends for shopping and spent RM500.
January 2012, I went Kuala Lumpur with parents and I spent RM200.
Recently I do not save in daily expenditure, and it costs me RM600 per month.
For the first week of April, I spent RM200.
That's mean I spent RM800 for 5 weeks..
Hmmm, plus I drink bottle water. No more Reverse Osmosis Water??
I think I lost RM100 and spent RM100 for my friends who study hard for their coming Selanjar 3.
Have to be a good girl who save money!!!
Weight
I loss weight while I ate a lot, maybe it is just dehydration.
But my body size increase, I can see my tummy, butts, thighs and calves bigger.
I need exercise.
Start today?
Tomorrow？
I have no loss of appetite, but why do I think I will loss more weight??
By the way, today cooked red bean and it was burned.
Hmmm, quite embarrassing, it is my first time >.<
The Sweet Potato Glutinous Balls should put in ice after cooked, more delicious.
But my body size increase, I can see my tummy, butts, thighs and calves bigger.
I need exercise.
Start today?
Tomorrow？
I have no loss of appetite, but why do I think I will loss more weight??
By the way, today cooked red bean and it was burned.
Hmmm, quite embarrassing, it is my first time >.<
The Sweet Potato Glutinous Balls should put in ice after cooked, more delicious.
Red Bean Paste with Red Sweet Potato Glutinous Rice Ball
There is just 35 balls but I made 2 hours >.<
So, each person just can eat one, and I know this is too kedekut, what to do, nobody want to help me, waste time to do this thing, no interest to do together...
I miss Ming Ming very much...
He influenced my mood for more than 1 month already...
Ming Ming
I was so wrong, that I said I dun1 to have lunch with you anymore...
And luckily that you rejected that suggestion..
I cant stand if we got a chance to eat together, but we chose to sit separately...
What I worried happened...
That Ming Ming does not want to talk to me, that he hates me...
I promise not to observe the girls that like him, I promise not to stalk at him anymore.
Can he just forget what I told him during the eve Valentine??
Can I tell him how important he is for me??
So, each person just can eat one, and I know this is too kedekut, what to do, nobody want to help me, waste time to do this thing, no interest to do together...
I miss Ming Ming very much...
He influenced my mood for more than 1 month already...
Ming Ming
I was so wrong, that I said I dun1 to have lunch with you anymore...
And luckily that you rejected that suggestion..
I cant stand if we got a chance to eat together, but we chose to sit separately...
What I worried happened...
That Ming Ming does not want to talk to me, that he hates me...
I promise not to observe the girls that like him, I promise not to stalk at him anymore.
Can he just forget what I told him during the eve Valentine??
Can I tell him how important he is for me??
Friday, April 6, 2012
Mango Sagu
Today cooked Mango Sagu, did not put ice, so the soup quite thick and I like it~~~
Another is red bean glutinous biscuits.
Heard that Jo said she asked him why did rebonding, and he answered her that his hairstylist recommended him to do so, so he did so.
And she asked him how his hair looked like when there is no gel and no style, and he said the front hair divide to left and right *like curtains*.
Hahahahaha!!!
And I'm the only one who forbidden to ask all about him.
Horoscope of mine stated that Scorpio need only 1 month to fet rid of the feeling toward someone.
I think before CFCS, I will be fine for this.
Why he treated me like that.
Another is red bean glutinous biscuits.
Heard that Jo said she asked him why did rebonding, and he answered her that his hairstylist recommended him to do so, so he did so.
And she asked him how his hair looked like when there is no gel and no style, and he said the front hair divide to left and right *like curtains*.
Hahahahaha!!!
And I'm the only one who forbidden to ask all about him.
Horoscope of mine stated that Scorpio need only 1 month to fet rid of the feeling toward someone.
I think before CFCS, I will be fine for this.
Why he treated me like that.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Broken Heart
I do not want to go to class.
If he is there, I cant look at him, if he is not there, I no chance to look at him...
I feel too suffering...
If he is there, I cant look at him, if he is not there, I no chance to look at him...
I feel too suffering...
Emo
Recently I got emo easily...
Cause I cant see him daily??
Whenever I see the post about a friend of his want to destroy his hair, I feel sad...
I was the one naughty before that, and he got angry with me.
And actually he not mind if that is his friends to touch his hair.
I feel want to cry.
Why?
Am I not good enough to be his friend?
He answered Cindy about the rebonding issue, and he said "i am not obligated to answer any question" to me.
I can feel the hurt of my heart, deeply, sharply...
I can appreciate the pain, like a knife, stabbed into my heart.
When I closed my eyes, I think of him, and the feeling appears...
And same thing goes to Chris.
I do not know what is his problems and he kept expelled me from taking photo.
He isolated me a lot.
And I feel like I'm worthless.
When ZL with LT, she will ignore me too.
I was isolated by both of them during the drum gathering.
I was not happy with the dinner date.
I need Ming Ming, if I chat him, he sure will think that I want to take chance on him.
So I find the junior.
I miss you, Ming Ming.
Can you be my boyfriend?
Cause I cant see him daily??
Whenever I see the post about a friend of his want to destroy his hair, I feel sad...
I was the one naughty before that, and he got angry with me.
And actually he not mind if that is his friends to touch his hair.
I feel want to cry.
Why?
Am I not good enough to be his friend?
He answered Cindy about the rebonding issue, and he said "i am not obligated to answer any question" to me.
I can feel the hurt of my heart, deeply, sharply...
I can appreciate the pain, like a knife, stabbed into my heart.
When I closed my eyes, I think of him, and the feeling appears...
And same thing goes to Chris.
I do not know what is his problems and he kept expelled me from taking photo.
He isolated me a lot.
And I feel like I'm worthless.
When ZL with LT, she will ignore me too.
I was isolated by both of them during the drum gathering.
I was not happy with the dinner date.
I need Ming Ming, if I chat him, he sure will think that I want to take chance on him.
So I find the junior.
I miss you, Ming Ming.
Can you be my boyfriend?
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Cooking
Had cooked herbal eggs and chilled melon sagu..
Each cost me RM12++, net cost. I deducted the remained ingredients >.<
Everytime I have to telan all that, but since last year I did not ask my friends to pay me already, cause I do not like the feeling of I was paid to cook for them, so the remained ingredients should use to cook other food.
So, I distributed the chilled melon sagu sweet soup.
I cried when I complained to SN that HT and MH made fun of me with Ming Ming...
They said I like small eyes guys, and recently the junior also looks alike him, their hair style also the same.
I do not mind if they just teased me, what I scared is how if this type of rumors go into his ears and how he will think about me?
That I told the whole world that I like him??
Cause I want to force him to accept me?
Cause I can not keep my own secret and told the whole world?
This morning went to class and co-incidentally we were one row below him and right in front him.
So I chose to sit with Lawrence, that the most distanced from him...
About the junior, I asked Ming Ming during lunch about him, he said he is quite funny.
And later in the evening after Ko-k, he was on bicycle and I waved to my friend.
He was also with joy said hello to me, with smile. I think he was in good mood.
Or can say that he felt relieved because I pretended well that I no longer interested in him??
I cant catch why he went to do the rebonding?
Again it is the co-incidence that I said I do not like guys with curly hair, and he became a non-curly hair guy?
The last time I saw him with curly hair was the day before CCN,
And maybe he went for rebonding on the day of CCN??
Actually he looks younger with his curly hair, and it's cute.
Maybe he wants to attract the girl he likes, from the first year, who told him she does not like guys with curly hair.
Maybe he feel bored with the daily 5 minutes spending on his hair.
People said that his hair is like a pair of curtains when he just done rebonding.
Never see that before, and will not have chance to see that.
I am forbidden to talk to him, to ask him questions, to look at him, to miss him...
He did rebonding and comb his hair nicely, not for me to see.
He put on his cologne, not for me to smell.
He shows his confident, not for me to feel.
He releases his hormonal attraction, not for me to close to.
When he combs the hair style that I like, I cant see.
When he does anything that amused me, I cant watch and I cant laugh.
I am brave, but I being rejected for so many times.
I saw him smile when I waved and excited for the junior,
I saw him smile when I asked him about the junior.
If this makes him happy and relieve, I will do it and slowly he will believe me, that I do not like him anymore.
I lost my chance to look at him...
I lost my chace to talk with him...
I lost my chance to eat with him...
Even silence among us, but I still hope to accompany him to have lunch.
To do this, I did not tell Lyn that I wanted to go out to buy some ingredients after PBL today.
Instead, we went to Harmony for lunch, with him.
After all, Lyn asked me why not tell her that I wanted go out of campus, that she can have lunch outside.
Ya, sorry Lyn...
I want to be with him...
And that of the SR date, he said he has a date, I saw his photos...
This is the first time I touched the screen for his face...
I miss him, so much...
How to love him, without noticed by others?
Yesterday LC chatted with me, and she has a thought of impossible of me will like Ming Ming,
and I also leaded her to the wrong direction, told her that I like Meaw.
I told the world that I like the junior.
Maybe Ming Ming will feel that I'm a no sincere girl?
I hope he can see through my faking, accept who I am, and change me to a better person.
Deep in my heart, I want to see him everyday and say "Good Morning" to him, I want to look at him whenever he is around me, I want to talk with him nicely, caring of him but not asking the lame questions, I want to smile to him and he smiles to me back, I want to have lunch with him, I want to cook for him, I want me the one he looks at when he found something amusing, when he seek for understanding.
Ming Ming, do you feel the same as me?
If you feel like that too, this is called LOVE.
Each cost me RM12++, net cost. I deducted the remained ingredients >.<
Everytime I have to telan all that, but since last year I did not ask my friends to pay me already, cause I do not like the feeling of I was paid to cook for them, so the remained ingredients should use to cook other food.
So, I distributed the chilled melon sagu sweet soup.
I cried when I complained to SN that HT and MH made fun of me with Ming Ming...
They said I like small eyes guys, and recently the junior also looks alike him, their hair style also the same.
I do not mind if they just teased me, what I scared is how if this type of rumors go into his ears and how he will think about me?
That I told the whole world that I like him??
Cause I want to force him to accept me?
Cause I can not keep my own secret and told the whole world?
This morning went to class and co-incidentally we were one row below him and right in front him.
So I chose to sit with Lawrence, that the most distanced from him...
About the junior, I asked Ming Ming during lunch about him, he said he is quite funny.
And later in the evening after Ko-k, he was on bicycle and I waved to my friend.
He was also with joy said hello to me, with smile. I think he was in good mood.
Or can say that he felt relieved because I pretended well that I no longer interested in him??
I cant catch why he went to do the rebonding?
Again it is the co-incidence that I said I do not like guys with curly hair, and he became a non-curly hair guy?
The last time I saw him with curly hair was the day before CCN,
And maybe he went for rebonding on the day of CCN??
Actually he looks younger with his curly hair, and it's cute.
Maybe he wants to attract the girl he likes, from the first year, who told him she does not like guys with curly hair.
Maybe he feel bored with the daily 5 minutes spending on his hair.
People said that his hair is like a pair of curtains when he just done rebonding.
Never see that before, and will not have chance to see that.
I am forbidden to talk to him, to ask him questions, to look at him, to miss him...
He did rebonding and comb his hair nicely, not for me to see.
He put on his cologne, not for me to smell.
He shows his confident, not for me to feel.
He releases his hormonal attraction, not for me to close to.
When he combs the hair style that I like, I cant see.
When he does anything that amused me, I cant watch and I cant laugh.
I am brave, but I being rejected for so many times.
I saw him smile when I waved and excited for the junior,
I saw him smile when I asked him about the junior.
If this makes him happy and relieve, I will do it and slowly he will believe me, that I do not like him anymore.
I lost my chance to look at him...
I lost my chace to talk with him...
I lost my chance to eat with him...
Even silence among us, but I still hope to accompany him to have lunch.
To do this, I did not tell Lyn that I wanted to go out to buy some ingredients after PBL today.
Instead, we went to Harmony for lunch, with him.
After all, Lyn asked me why not tell her that I wanted go out of campus, that she can have lunch outside.
Ya, sorry Lyn...
I want to be with him...
And that of the SR date, he said he has a date, I saw his photos...
This is the first time I touched the screen for his face...
I miss him, so much...
How to love him, without noticed by others?
Yesterday LC chatted with me, and she has a thought of impossible of me will like Ming Ming,
and I also leaded her to the wrong direction, told her that I like Meaw.
I told the world that I like the junior.
Maybe Ming Ming will feel that I'm a no sincere girl?
I hope he can see through my faking, accept who I am, and change me to a better person.
Deep in my heart, I want to see him everyday and say "Good Morning" to him, I want to look at him whenever he is around me, I want to talk with him nicely, caring of him but not asking the lame questions, I want to smile to him and he smiles to me back, I want to have lunch with him, I want to cook for him, I want me the one he looks at when he found something amusing, when he seek for understanding.
Ming Ming, do you feel the same as me?
If you feel like that too, this is called LOVE.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Recent Face
 |
| Pretend as a singer |
 |
| Look too dark, the person edited this failed >.< |
 |
| Tried to do sexy posture |
 |
| Promoting the theater |
 |
| With WC, my big eyes~ |
 |
| Hiao together with DoReMi |
 |
| Ticket cutter, with big calves... |
 |
| WC HS, and big tummy me. |
 |
| Mon,Wed,Fri & Tues,Thurs,Sat |
 |
| Waitress & Waiter |
 |
| Lenglui and little girl |
 |
| Look likes my calves very strong >.< |
 |
| Intentionally showing some curvature... |
 |
| Pretending shy with KS. |
 |
| Pretending sopan. |
 |
| I am the most big size one... |
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| Amumu~~ Pretty~~ |
 |
| 2 Punjabi 2 Saree |
 |
| Kamaless |
 |
| sexy eyes, coffee prince, bride, beach side, mysterious |
 |
| lyn, SN, HS, Cindy |
 |
| Nerin |
 |
| Ken |
 |
| Cindy |
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