Quiet

I became a quiet girl.
Is it a grow?
My friends said I abnormal for last few days...
I think maybe in front of food, my mood better...

I miss him, read back old conversation, try to find out how we become weirder and weirder...
And it is all of sudden, I did not find him because he was not online, and we have less and less contact and he do not want to talk to me totally after holiday.
He totally ignores me until now.

I am hurt.
I am sad.
I want him.
I need him.

I should not have this thought.
It will make me suffer...
I close my eyes and think of him, then I can feel the pain.
But I rather to feel the pain, than forget his existence, his smile, his talk, his good.
Maybe it is a kind of love, that is quite cruel to myself, that I should learn to enjoy the pain.