Cooking

Had cooked herbal eggs and chilled melon sagu..
Each cost me RM12++, net cost. I deducted the remained ingredients >.<
Everytime I have to telan all that, but since last year I did not ask my friends to pay me already, cause I do not like the feeling of I was paid to cook for them, so the remained ingredients should use to cook other food.
So, I distributed the chilled melon sagu sweet soup.
I cried when I complained to SN that HT and MH made fun of me with Ming Ming...
They said I like small eyes guys, and recently the junior also looks alike him, their hair style also the same.
I do not mind if they just teased me, what I scared is how if this type of rumors go into his ears and how he will think about me?
That I told the whole world that I like him??
Cause I want to force him to accept me?
Cause I can not keep my own secret and told the whole world? 

This morning went to class and co-incidentally we were one row below him and right in front him.
So I chose to sit with Lawrence, that the most distanced from him... 
About the junior, I asked Ming Ming during lunch about him, he said he is quite funny.
And later in the evening after Ko-k, he was on bicycle and I waved to my friend.
He was also with joy said hello to me, with smile. I think he was in good mood.
Or can say that he felt relieved because I pretended well that I no longer interested in him??

I cant catch why he went to do the rebonding?
Again it is the co-incidence that I said I do not like guys with curly hair, and he became a non-curly hair guy?
The last time I saw him with curly hair was the day before CCN,
And maybe he went for rebonding on the day of CCN??
Actually he looks younger with his curly hair, and it's cute.
Maybe he wants to attract the girl he likes, from the first year, who told him she does not like guys with curly hair.
Maybe he feel bored with the daily 5 minutes spending on his hair.
People said that his hair is like a pair of curtains when he just done rebonding.
Never see that before, and will not have chance to see that.

I am forbidden to talk to him, to ask him questions, to look at him, to miss him...
He did rebonding and comb his hair nicely, not for me to see.
He put on his cologne, not for me to smell.
He shows his confident, not for me to feel.
He releases his hormonal attraction, not for me to close to.
When he combs the hair style that I like, I cant see.
When he does anything that amused me, I cant watch and I cant laugh.

I am brave, but I being rejected for so many times.
I saw him smile when I waved and excited for the junior,
I saw him smile when I asked him about the junior.
If this makes him happy and relieve, I will do it and slowly he will believe me, that I do not like him anymore.

I lost my chance to look at him...
I lost my chace to talk with him...
I lost my chance to eat with him...

Even silence among us, but I still hope to accompany him to have lunch.
To do this, I did not tell Lyn that I wanted to go out to buy some ingredients after PBL today.
Instead, we went to Harmony for lunch, with him.
After all, Lyn asked me why not tell her that I wanted go out of campus, that she can have lunch outside.
Ya, sorry Lyn...
I want to be with him...

And that of the SR date, he said he has a date, I saw his photos...

This is the first time I touched the screen for his face...
I miss him, so much...

How to love him, without noticed by others?
Yesterday LC chatted with me, and she has a thought of impossible of me will like Ming Ming,
and I also leaded her to the wrong direction, told her that I like Meaw.

I told the world that I like the junior.

Maybe Ming Ming will feel that I'm a no sincere girl?

I hope he can see through my faking, accept who I am, and change me to a better person.

Deep in my heart, I want to see him everyday and say "Good Morning" to him, I want to look at him whenever he is around me, I want to talk with him nicely, caring of him but not asking the lame questions, I want to smile to him and he smiles to me back, I want to have lunch with him, I want to cook for him, I want me the one he looks at when he found something amusing, when he seek for understanding.

Ming Ming, do you feel the same as me?
If you feel like that too, this is called LOVE.