Down

I might become don again, I feel tired.
This blog is active because of him.
And I knew he is actually treating me as a polite classmate.

I miss him, I love him!!!

While today I read an article, that means I am now in an situation lie to myself and live in my own world.
I should not be like that anymore.

I should do something positive.

Trip canceled

I asked him to go, he said he can not go cause he has no money.
I pursued him so so hard, that Amu needs him, he is very important, no him no trip, and he still refused to go.
He replied me fast, and he did not online for whole day.

So I canceled the trip...

I wondered is him in wad or something??
He replied Lyn's message fast too this morning, was him admitted once he reached Penang??
And he replied me immediately???

It is weird.
I am worry...

What happened to him??

I love him...

Sadness

Arrgghhhh!!! Feeling sad T.T

Because of him la!!!!

Yerrrr.....

Feel like do not want to go already T.T

Cause I want to put the date for another trip actually... T.T

Bad la bad la!!!

Sick

CKM sick already???
Har?? Because I wrote that he got illness yesterday and he got sick??
I will not simply say anything anymore T.T

Hope he can get well soon.

I knew this because Lyn asked him about our Friday plan...
So he most probably will not attend...
I always make chance to get close with him, but the fate is we will not have chance to be together, to know more about each other.

29aug,
penang-kl RM29
kl-kk 1625-1800 RM65

31aug,

kk-tawau 0720/1545 RM26

4sep,
tawau-kk 1700-1750 RM29
kk-kl 1855-2125 RM65 / 1925-2155 RM65
tawau-kl 1900-2145 RM207

5sep,
kk-penang 0730-1010 RM55

I recruit 4 people, MY, Lyn, Amu, Thban and me, hmmmmm....

CKM replied me "Off" since I asked him reply if he on.

And quite disappointed lo....

Errmmm, T.T

Homesick

He has a very severe illness, homesick.
Hahahahaa...

I supposed he wanted to go back last week, but he did not because he thought I will go to the buffet dinner???

So he will go back tonight, even next weekend will start the 9 days holiday.

And so, he will not celebrate YY's birthday??

I am so bad T.T

And also I will not have chance to get sweets from him at all.

I met him when I was on the way to wad.
I do not know why, when I walked to dental school, I climbed up to the stairs, and when I realised, I was on the way of outside air-cond I think.
I wondered why I was so lost.
Then I passed by the BPSP, I was thinking many many things about him...
I helped the nurses to hold the door, and when I proceeded my way, someone called me, and I turned back, YY and CKM were there.
I do not know how and why and what happened that they were together.

So we took the lift together, and I did not talk to him, I was not looking to him, I pretended I do not want to talk to him.
I looked to other things like they are interesting.
While in the lift, I maintained safe distance from him, I stood away once there were people going out of the lift.
We did not talk if we do not have a media.
YY talked with Amu and he will join in, by the way, it was a group conversation.

I played normally with others except him.
While Amu still wants to pair him with Lyn, maybe we will have more episode when we stay in village for the intervention.
Lyn and CKM talked nicely to each other, and I personally think that they matches each other, especially they are both English-educated, and the height is quite match.
He made weird poses in that session, like looked to patient through curtain, and he pushed Lyn's arms when the doctor asked someone volunteer to do the physical examination, and she did it.
He smirked with victory.
He looked at me, while I was looking at him, our sights met and he quickly turned when he saw me looked at him too.
I think we developed a kind of looking each other if we are together.

So when the teaching ended, we came out together, do not know why he leaved while Lyn was waiting for him to come in the lift, she said "Too bad."
Lastly I saw him at ground floor, with sweats, passing by me *since I am the only Nuranian, I walked the A&E way*

He might have something to do??

Good man

Today went to class and slept along lecture was going.
When the attendance came, Lyn looked up, then passed the sheets to me.
Ohhh, he signed by himself.
She was searching for him, so me did that too.
I saw him when I just took a quick peek, not intended to find him *actually I just followed Lyn's sight*

My diarrhea persisted for almost 4 weeks already, haizzz...
Although it is quite mild, maybe there are some impurities in my body.

We went to the lab, and I saw him.
He is wearing blue shirt.
I miss him but the feeling not so strong.
Maybe I already made it as a habit?
No more excitement, no more heartbeat raised.

He stayed there until very end, I do not know who he and Joe were waiting for.
He read newspaper there, he was online watching something or maybe he was chatting with someone.
Cause I saw him smiling like very sweet. It was not being amused laugh, or else he will laugh it out loud. Maybe that was the person he likes.
Lol~

Met Jo's gang with Eddy during lunch.
Jo asked me tomorrow can eat dinner already right.
Then started conversation between me and Eddy.
He had temporary ordination a few times when he was 13, 14, 15 and 18.
Then I straight away defined him as a good guy, hahahahaha!!!

We discussed about the religious thingy, and I feel grateful for him.
And I just realised it is not difficult to find a nice guy, or it is not difficult to meet a guy who will ordinate.

So, I have another request for my future husband *if I will have one*, that is he should ordinate for short term before he can marry me.

It is difficult, so it can help me to avoid some unnecessary bad guy who might appear in my life.
Keeping 8 precepts also can reduce many of my bad thoughts.
One is it can reduce the frequency and intensity I miss CKM.
If I keep 8 prefects more frequent, slowly my feeling toward him may fade totally.

Today is the third day, I will keep it well~
For tomorrow, they will bring me to eat, and then I will keep it back.

Australia

He will go there for 1 month T.T
I want to follow, T.T

That is just a dream.
Far Far away dream.

And I found out that he did not follow his friends to Krabi...

This PBL, he tried to save me when the doctor asked me question.

Before the PBL, he showed bored face, and Lyn tried to talk with him.
While when I talked to the others, he raised up his head and I think he was listening.
I talked about my dream came true, and my second dream came true when Amu said me become prettier!!!

I laughed and laughed and laughed so hard, cause I am happy to hear that!!!
He showed his amused face, I can see he was trying to hide or something.
And he showed interest when we talked about outing this weekend.
He tried to be calm and then can see he was excited when he acted to shoot people ^.^
While I was listening to songs, I found that YY likes JJ, Leehom and Jay, just same as me...
While not every songs of them I will listen to, just selectively, she listens to all.
Somehow, I sang in the class, and I think they felt I am crazy or just fell into my own world =.=
The end of PBL, he moved slow, but the others moved even slower, and he just leaved like that...

I do not find him to chat even I heard anything from Lyn or Jo, if it was last time, I already complained to him and acted coy to him.
Now, Lyn is the one who always act coy to him, and I act cool or shy.
He is mean when he is with Lyn, and he acted coy to me while he is with me.

Cause I remembered he was quite shy when we were together...

Maybe I think too much again.

Wish not come true

He did not sing for me...
My greatest wish, dropped...

I felt disappointment, but it was not as strong as last time that I felt.

Last year was the once and only time he sang for me...
Next year, next next year, future, no more...

Suspicious

This morning I almost can not get up for class, I think my sleeping disorder solved with meditation~
Then I went to class, and the class postponed while the later practical shifted to tomorrow.

I walked to buy note, in the mean time feeling something with his teasing of me to other girls...
It was just like the last time, he told Lyn that I "fa hiao" as I put photo with a guy as profile picture.

After that I went to library to meet Lyn and Cindy, we did some tests, one said that I am kind of high IQ and talented, just I am too lazy to work and satisfy with basic life.
Lol~~~

And upon chatting, they teased me at my relationship and my teaching to my kids in the future.
They said that maybe my house will be in mess, and the children have to teach their mum to settle everything, hahahahahaha!!!
And my husband may sue me with that!!!

Then Lyn suddenly told me that CKM asked her about me.
He asked her where am I.
She said probably I am in room, and he asked why, isn't it I will always be with her wherever she goes and me and Lyn always appear together?
And Lyn asked him back why, is he missing me?
So I disturbed her that "Later he paiseh leh."
She said he will not, lol~~
My reply was like a very unclosed friend with CKM and had thought not to embarrass him.

Lyn told me that whenever he saw her, he will asked her about me, just like the incidence above.
She said this was the most recent *in the Renaissance Hotel *, and as he asked too many times, so she asked him that question, perhaps can stop him to ask about me again.

Then I replied her that the most I remembered was the time I took the report and they went to the cafe.
Lyn asked if him saw me, as she wanted to know where I sit.
While when he saw me appeared, and he seriously told me Lyn was searching for me, and I seriously thought that Lyn had something and wanted to find me.

I just used this as a joke and to tease him of the seriousness to tell me the situation.

And I think Lyn feels uncomfortable that he asked about me everytime when he saw her without me.
Especially if she likes him.
But I think he just does not know what to talk to her so used me again as to initiate conversation.

So, later will meet him.

P/S: I wondered that Jambu did not on his fb and did not post anything for so long.
Today when I told Cindy about my curiosity, and I checked back, he really blocked me.

Maybe I am too bad.

To 23 Y-O

I am in the first day to 23~
This morning I almost can not wake up for food preparing, luckily still managed to cook, but quite rush and the products taste nice but still got space for improvement >.<

While I did not receive any wish for CKM or AhYik, hmmmmm...
But today I am the most happy among 22 years of birthday!!!

I went to the temple to offer food to monks, I went to meditate and feeling happy, I received gift that I wanted these few days. I saw SW's room with the saving frog, and I looked at it, and hope to get a saving box too~~
While I just had this thought for days, 438 actually already planned to buy for me a week ago!!

I went to Bank Islam and Maybank cause there is a free seat promo tonight!!!!
Then rushing back for my date tonight~

Actually I am very clever and calm~~
I knew them preparing something for me, of course.
Something simple but nice.
They brought me outing for food, for cake, and chit-chatting~

I am holding 8 precepts for 3 days started today...
So, I will not eat after 2pm, so no birthday cake, no treating food, hahahaha~~
I know my friends might be unsatisfied with me but I must hold my principle la...
Pity them also cause their am not achieved >.<
By the way, if Iz Koz was opened then I might considered to eat...
And it was closed, Ai Ni 99 also closed, Double tree closed, then Kengsum had no seats for us =.=
Then Cindy decided to go McD~~
Lol, my bad luck >.<

And then we went for a walk in Parkson, I immediately bought a pillow without considering the price or anything.
While I was talking about the Halloween festival, I will get sweets from them.
Then Jo told me CKM told her that last year I asked sweets from him.
His mother asked him whether he wanted to eat some nearly expired chocolate, and he thought of me, who asked him for so many times, so he gave me that.
I said, ya, it was not nice and I told her, ate till I had diarrhea, and when I asked him ok or not one, he said "It's ok one."
She knew what he told me, I think because he told her even about this, but really the chocolate was not safe to eat, yet I finished it almost all.
And he was not shy to tell, that he treated me like a bad guy.
And she felt fun about this, I am sure that when they were talking about this, they were both laughing at me.
And I felt a bit uncomfortable with him now.
He needed to tease me, used me as a joke???
To entertain a girl??
Fine.

We went to Munch for a chocolate fondue, and a mango juice, the juice was so not nice T.T
I can eat ice-cream, marshmallow and chocolate sauce~~
Then I called my dad, asked him for a Vietnam trip, and he agreed, smoothly, Yahoooo!!!!
I booked my flight at RM276 each, with parents and LC.

While they are considering the Taiwan trip, Cindy's parents decided not to go, while Lyn and Cindy and LC are still undecidable >.<
Jo is upset because she can not get agreement from her parents to go dental gang's Taiwan trip~

I posted my feeling in FB, and I feel really a disappointment and humiliated.
I always find excuses for CKM, and hurt myself.

What for??

Birthday

I knew my birthday plan accidentally, no surprise liao, hahahahaa~

Then Cindy thought I knew all and told me MY will go too.
There will be 10 in our group.

Lyn, Jo, Cindy, Wendy, GX, LC, MY, RL, me and Eva??
Wow!! Quite a lot huh???

YY cant go because cannot fix in the car.

So, today I did a lot, no time stay at room also.
This morning I went for meeting, then chatting while waiting for lunch, did a facial before went to buy ingredients to cook tomorrow.
Then we meditated and discussed some important stuffs.

So Lyn did not want to tell much about their buffet, lol~~
Conclusion: the food is a disappointment.
2 stories she told me.
CKM told Jo that her eyes are cute or pretty because of the shape, while Jo replied him that her eyes make her looks tired.
CKM official replied :"You said one, not I said."

CKM made salad and asked if Jo wants to eat, and Lyn asked him to make one for her, then Jo asked again for the salad.
At that time I can not get her meaning, now I know she meant that Jo wanted to compete with her even just a dish???

So, when I went to Lyn's room, I saw that her chatbox discuss about the time for tomorrow dinner, huhahahaha!!!!
Lyn nervously covered it and asked that who did I saw in the box, I said, Joanne, really, Joanne.
Maybe she did not believe me, and made Cindy misunderstood that I knew it all!!!!

Yesterday meditation was better because I got calm and smile all the time, while today more things appeared in my mind, but still sometimes I had nice experience~~~

I saw him online when I went back room at 1230am, he did not wish me.
Maybe he does not remember my birthday.
So after I finished preparing ingredients for tomorrow's cooking, I saw LC posted a birthday song to me, and I looked at his online status, he was there and he did not wish me.

I think I got best gift from him this year, a few songs that he sang and I recorded and replayed, replayed and replayed, even for now, I am listening to his voice.

I do not know whether I can hear birthday song from him, live one, again?

Yet, I hope Prince with me in this special day, receive special gift from him, I miss him so so much...

Dreaming

I get nice and longer sleep just now since last sleep was just 3 hours...
While before I woke up I dreamed a quite sad dream.

We went to a another prom, do not know why, it is like after prom organiser dinner.
And the hotel is more class than ours EM.

So, I went there, and CKM was there.
I felt loneliness cause since yesterday that Lyn went to the buffet, I got a feeling of being dumped.

So obviously I was alone in that dinner, and while taking food he said he wanted to show his table manner.
Then I saw my ZL and HS came also to the prom, I think I went for them.

When the dinner ended, CKM brought a bouquet of flowers and walked to us.
In the dream, I thought that he wanted to give me and I insisted to stand in front him, while Cindy lets me to stand, and actually, the one he wanted to give is Cindy.

And he sent a glass of drink to her, and we thought it was a decoration and we played that, and just realised that is a drink.
And I tasted it while CKM went to take something for Cindy.

Then he came, he brought 2 large boxes of chocolate as a gift to Cindy.

In my mind, there is a concept that the guy who MYuet said liked Cindy was CKM.
Cause CKM told me also he asked me to learn from Cindy who can get good result in examination.

So in the end of the dream, Lyn got a racing car and fetched me back.
And I think Lyn was sad in the dream???

Calm

I went to meditate just now, I feel calm and happy!!!

I love this feeling so so so much!!!!

Even now I see the photos also have no feeling and feel nothing~~~

Is that nice to mingle around with girls?

Saw or not, his photos occupied 50%, can see how important of him in her heart??

Birthday Dinner

I had a meeting in new block, and then I was late for my birthday dinner.
Actually we celebrated it normally, a treat of KFC.
I got a meeting tomorrow morning, but I wish to go to temples...
And I also plan to go temple and meditate on my birthday.

So, the theme today is: A girl can change anything for a guy.

This morning about 11am, Lyn came to my room.
She drove from the church and she had to park the car near Block A.
So she dropped by and came to measure her circumferences.
She borrowed the push-up bra pads from me.
I never use it before, I just try it.
While she really used it.
She wanted to see the effect so much that she immediately put them on right after got that from me!!!

Ok, while that time I was so blurred and I did not feel anything wrong.

When I was on the way walked out to meet my friends at guardhouse, I saw Jo with Wann and the guys behind.
I think they have some kind of outing, like I was told by LC.
They went to Renaissance Hotel for a buffet.
I met my friends, and they told me Lyn went to the buffet too.

I immediately think that she was going with CKM.
And I asked my friends was her nicely dressed?
The answer is definite.

So I felt something in my heart.
Because she never tell me about this.
But actually I also did not tell her that I will have dinner with my friends.

No wonder when I asked for outing no one answered me.

Then, I happily had my dinner and told them about Ah Yik's stories.

While I delivered dinner to Cindy, I told her this thing, her interest raised!!!
And only that time I realised her intention to borrow the push-up bra pads from me!!!!!!
Amazing, love can change a girl a lot!!!!

We planned to go to visit Jo and Lyn separately tomorrow.
Then we can combine both information.
And can discuss about who the guy like more.

And now I can substitute what Prince told me that, love is suffering, not sweet.
I always know it, and I always want to try it.

No no no, do not get hurt anymore.

Forbidden

I need to limit myself to feel anything to any one.
I do not know why I have so strong feeling to the photos yesterday night.
Maybe I thought myself too important.

And maybe I know that he will not celebrate my birthday, will not remember my birthday.

I put my trust on him previously, I believe even he went out with girls, but he knows who he will be with.

But now I think maybe the girl who he wants to move it slow is Jo??

Guy will always find chance to go near to his girl.

And I listen all his concert's songs all day and all night.

I feel myself really stupid.

Love is not as sweet as I imagine, love is suffering.

I knew it, and I shouldn't try anymore.

Mood Swings

Have a long talk with GX and HD.
And when I came back to room, opened my facebook, there were a few chats, but none of them from Ah Yik.
He sent me message before, and he said he got a request.
And then I think of him the whole 6 hours I talked with my friends.
I saw LC's message, and I went to see Ah Yik's wall.
He was being sarcastic to the junior who played guitar on EM *I uploaded the video*.
So, now I knew his request was asking me to remove the video I think.
But he did not finish his sentence.
And let me waited for so long for his request.

And I saw CKM's photo of outing with girls.
He went to Korean BBQ with Eddy, Jo, EJ, MYuet, Carmen, SL and SY.
And then he went to Mcd with them.
This evening when MYuet came to deliver notes for RL, she asked me if I want to follow.
But I rejected, and now that I knew they went out together.

I felt so sad, so sad, so sad...
My syndrome is getting serious and worse.

It is a nice chance for me to stop acting silly...

Elective

His elective is going to Australia 1 month for football.
Everyone knows, but not me, and Lyn.

How weird that once I was the one who told others and now...

Perhaps he will meet some girls there, and gets a LDR?
Lol~~

Taiwan Itenerary

6/22 桃園機場>>高美濕地>>逢甲夜市>>夜宿逢甲  $5000.
6/23 逢甲>>心之芳庭>>大坑紙箱王園區>>香菇街>>新社古堡莊園>>東東芋圓>>一中街商圈>>夜宿台中  $4500.
6/24 逢甲>>台南安平古堡&安平老街>>蓮池潭風景區>>夢時代摩天輪>>瑞豐夜市>>夜宿高雄  $6000.
6/25 高雄>>義大世界>>旗津港>>大碗公冰>>西子灣(打狗領事館)>>愛河(真愛碼頭)>>六合夜市>>夜宿高雄  $4500.
6/26 高雄>>佛光山>>天長地久橋>>奮起湖老街>>阿里山森林園區>>夜宿阿里山  $7000.
6/27 阿里山>>自行搭小火車看日出>>鹿林神木>>玉山塔塔加>>夫妻樹>梅子夢工廠>>車埕車站&老街>>夜宿日月潭  $6000.
6/28 日月潭>>搭船遊湖(玄光寺)>>伊達邵碼頭(原住民部落)>>文武廟(阿婆茶葉蛋)>>一福堂百年老餅>>埔里酒廠>>18度C巧克力工房>>夜宿清境  $4500.
6/29 清境>>青青草原(綿羊&馬術)>>小瑞士花園&紙箱王>>寶島時代村>>西門町>>夜宿西門$6000
6/30 野柳風景區(女王頭)>>陰陽海>>黃金瀑布>>金瓜石黃金博物館>>九份老街>>基隆夜市>>基隆港夜景>>夜宿西門町$5000
7/1 101大樓>>自由廣場>>故宮>>五分埔>>士林夜市>>淡水老街>>漁人碼頭>>桃園機場$5000


It is quite expensive, we have to spend so a lot in transport >.<
So maybe I will settle transport by myself instead of hire a driver...

Relationship

We were talking about this kind of things, during lunch, again.
Just, the guy changed to Alfred, not CKM anymore...

While I told Alfred about there is a guy that I rejected him for 3-4 times in a day.
And he said, whether the guy will think that I am busy or I sell it high.
I think he will not believe there is a guy who asked for me, hahahahaaa~~
And he also said I too picky that there is a guy asking for me already~~
I told him that I can be that kind of wife who is very lovely, but the guy must worth me to do that.
And I need a mature guy.
He said me too much requests.
And the most important thing is no guy interested on me.
And then I saw a guy fulfilled my requirement, and he said "But not interested in you huh?"
And I said, "Ya, if interested on me he would come to me earlier already lo!"
Alfred said he is a traditional guy with conservative concept that wife should be the olden kind of attitude.
Hahahaaa, it is suitable for me as I am the kind of hoping to be a wise wife in the house.
But he will be a very sticky boyfriend and husband I think =.=

I can feel the differences, between CKM and Alfred.
When Alfred talked, he scanned the other girls.
When CKM talked, he really talked to us.

When Alfred talked, he talked to Lyn.
When CKM talked, he talked to me.

When Alfred walked, he will talk to others if he meets others, and then just talked to me when he felt bored of no others to talked to.
When CKM walked, he walked with me, he followed my speed, he waited for me.

I miss CKM, when I walked with Alfred...
Although both of us kept silence, but there is something around us...

And most of the guys *not only Alfred* ignored me, put me outside priority.
I knew it, that's why I appreciate CKM.

This morning we had a meeting, and I met him on the way walked there.
He went to the sport center I think, that I thought he will not attend to the meeting.

Then he chose to sit beside me, and later invaded by Lyn, haha.
Because we were on different tables, she sat at the gap.
I purposely pushed my chair closer to Lyn, so that she moved her chair closer to CKM, and I secretly smile with a little trick~~

And there is once a chance for me to look at him and while he also looks at me.
I looked into his eyes when he looked to my direction, but he was looking and talking to others, he noticed me, and he looked into my eyes, like he hopes for a sight connection with me too, but I turned away and pretended that there was nothing.

I knew, I was jealous.
I do not want to do thing that Lyn did to him before.

He really stays here for weekend???

Success

I success made Cindy thought me that I like Ah Yik and think of our future seriously.
And she think I was more severe when the time I told her about CKM.
She considered my syndrome toward AH Yik now is just mild.
Of course, I love him...
Since that time, till now, and it is more severe than last time already.

She is a quite nice friend, at least she did not tell others about my past, hahahaha~~~
I think she knew I hurt very much, until I had presentation of my characteristics last few months.
Recently I come back to active state, because of CKM again...
And I think she thought I was because of Ah Yik.

I hided my feeling toward CKM in front those friends.
But I did not hided it from HS and WC.
Errrmmm, but they scared I will get hurt again.
They asked me not to fall again...

Still, there are 4 girls who like him, another girl unsure, cause she did not show her admire anymore, maybe she will not show in front of me anymore.

No, I will not fall for him, or anybody, anymore.

Outing

CKM planned to go back home this week.
But I think he changed his mind after he heard that I said I want an outing this weekend.
Do I have such big power to change his mind??

I think I overthink very very much =.=

But nobody wants outing this week, I wondered.
Cause initially they all felt wanted to go, *I meant YY and MY*, then when someone said that CKM will go back, and I said we can go without him.
Then after PBL I asked again, no one replied me =.=
Wa, so obvious???

So I wanted to have paintball battle, no one reply, I think because both the girls waited his response lo =.=
But maybe not like that la...
He disagreed for the paintball battle, he said it is painful game.
He is trying to protect all the girls~

Do he remember my birthday?
I think he forgot already, and our batch group posted my birthday and exposed my birthday date already >.<
I am thinking that will him wish me and sing for me too this year??

T.T

I miss him...

Hyperactive

He sat near to me in the lecture hall this morning.
He came late, while I just sat the seat right after entered from the back door, so he sat there too.
And I kept took peek of him...
And I saw both the girls attracted by him too lol~~~

Then he leaved cause the doctor was late.
Then I saw him in PBL.
He was hyperactive today.
And he sang for YY as YY asked him that is that he changed his song already?
And he said he did not change his song, still "Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry", he sang.
And I did not look at him and felt that I guessed it right, cause he sang it to everybody.
I can not let him see that I felt something for that song...

I did not pay much attention in discussion.
I looked at him.
And I saw Lyn stared at him frequently.
While there was a time they stared at each other for 7-8 seconds I think, without moving their sight...
And when CKM turned back, I shifted my sight to other place, pretended that I do not care, I did not see it. Cause I know my face expression sure not so nice already, if he sees me like that, he might know what I am feeling for...
I do not know why should I hide my feeling.
Maybe I know this is no right.
I have no right to mind of this kind of thing.

And when I saw Lyn punched his arm, I saw it and I avoided my sight when he turned to my direction.
Same reason as the above incidence.

While Fifah asked me about KM's date, to confirm the news of he bought the dress for his girl.
And asking about Lyn's dance partner, and asked why Lyn had no date.

And there was once he looked at me smiling, cause he was teasing Lyn and Lyn made reactions to him while the doctor was there.
The things that I will never do in public...
That's why people all knew that she likes him.
While I already hided my feelings...

Sigh....

Not only me...

I may overthink, cause I do not know how his feeling toward me...

I am afraid...
Maybe he not only sings to me, actually he sings to everyone...

To avoid pain, I should think that he is just sing for the sake of singing...

Cause I will think beyong any normal people imagination.
For example, I was thinking that was him singing it to express his feeling to me?
For example, I was thinking that was him singing it cause I was singing during our free time in CFCS, and he reciprocals the same to me?
For example, I was thinking that was him singing it to show his talents to me??
For example, I was thinking that was him singing it to complete his promises to me, to have a concert for me??
For example, I was thinking that was him singing it to catch my eyeballs??

I love him.

Even he loves someone else.

Wendy's Bday!!!

I went to jog today, cause I can not stand with loosing of my body tissues!!!
After I did 3 sets of movement, and ran for a small round, then I can not stand anymore.
Need to train back my stamina~~

I ate Cindy's rice cause she do not like the fried fish, and also because she went to Secret Recipe for tea~
The time was too rush, I did not bath, straight to Joanne's house prepared for Wendy's birthday celebration.

GX cooked a big pot of fishballs and cheesey sausages with Tomyam soup...
And bought Edlee Fried Nuggets and Chickens as supper~

We were chatting, while CKM's name appeared in our conversation.
He brought Jo and her friend Carmen for a parttime job, earned RM100 for half day I perhaps?
He fetched them there, and the event was from his friends.
His car got banged from behind by someone recently I think.
Lyn knew it, I don't.
And I can feel a little of silent moment after his name came out, lol~
Then we talked about Eddy and Jo, that she had so huge reaction of people teased her in facebook photo.

So when Lyn was not in the house, Jo came and asked us about is that Lyn likes CKM.
We answered "Dunno", cause Lyn did not tell clearly to me, all is our guess, and she actually denied it to Cindy.
Jo wondered that why CKM did not asked Lyn as his date.
Then I told her that we all in CFCS also pushed them together, but failed.

When we were back room, Cindy, me and RL discussed again.
Cindy said she actually wanted to ask Jo whether she likes CKM.
But Eva was in the house, and she felt inappropriate to ask her that time.
And this is the first time Jo approached us for this kind of thing.
We should visit Jo this weekend to get more information~~~
Then we all also suspect Lyn likes CKM too.
Cause there are rumors around about why CKM not asked Lyn as date, cause people did aspect him to do so. Even Jeslyn and MYuet them all asked Cindy for information.
Maybe because they are matching to each other, or people can see that she likes him very much. 
Lalala~~~

While Lyn fb chat me later, she told me that Jo took the teasing too much and made the situation awkward now.
And she said Jo was so reluctant to tell me about his car accident, like she wants to keep it for her own only.
I told Lyn that, because I had nothing that can exchange with her, not worth it if telling me.
Actually I got a lot of his photos and his favorite things and his video clips, which only me have, hahaha!!!
She asked Jo as if she got a crush on anyone before, and Jo did not admit it.
Lyn gave her chance and she now has no interest in asking Jo whether she likes CKM.
But as we already know, she likes him, but Lyn wants to hear from Jo's mouth herself.

I told RL about their problems, and RL joked that why I am not one of them involved in these kind of rumors.
First, I covered it with Ah Yik.
Second, I got a confirmed answer from CKM himself that he never think of me will have that kind of feeling until I told him.
Third, I really want to keep my secret from anyone who is kind of close with him.
Forth, I have to avoid the situation become worse.

That's why I settled it about 8 months ago, because I knew it will become worse and worse, before me and my friends getting too deep, better let him chooses who he want.
But I was excluded long time ago, now this is their competition.

I do not know how CKM can solve this complicated situation.
He has to settle another girl before he can get the one.
But unluckily, I do not think he wants any one of them.
Of course, like Cindy said, if he does not want to chase Sharon, why he took her away from her admirer?
And it is obviously a sign of fight for a girl with JL.

And I heard Cindy told me long time ago, there is someone in the lecture hall who quite close with her, liked her before.
Let me guess, he was CKM???
Cause he told me before, tried to learn from Cindy, she can get A in her Pro.

If it is really him, then I think he can ruin our gang's friendship easily.
Just because she got a boyfriend that time, so there was no action.

He was playing around within our gang??
Is him the player???
If it is real, he is cheap...

Are the singing, the apologize all fake???
I do not know, I rather to be alone, if everybody will get hurt.

Lab Round

This morning I went to the hall, actually I should question myself that, actually I do not like him already, right?
Cause I did not search for him.
But once I noticed his presence, then I kept looking at him.

Then we had the practical, we had less connection, except when Joe came and tried to stain the slide.
And when I wanted to take photos of the FLM, he teased on me, meaning that I am a troublesome person, and whoever I asked for help will be a victim.

Then went for lunch.
I saw Yik, and he can not recognise me again, I messaged him, and he just replied when I was in the library.
Actually I saw him climbing up the stairs and sat there. When he replied me, my phone rang, I do not know whether he noticed or not.
I replied him that I was in front of him.
And he leaved to FLM, I messaged him thought that he did not know my presence.
And I received his message later, actually he saw me and he just do not disturb me chatting with friends.

I purposely showed Lyn while CKM stood beside her, and I do not know whether he saw that...
Haizzz...
I think I should stop acting like that, it is not nice for us three.

We went to the Microbiological Lab, we had a lab round.
He looked tired and he was leaning on the wall and slept, then he squatted down.
Eddy walked in and talked for so long and shocked when saw CKM, he did not notice CKM's presence!!! Hahahahaa!!!

I told them to prepare sweets for me during Halloween, I talked about my last year history to Lyn, "a kiss or sweets", I kissed a girl, lol~~
Lyn asked me sure of not if people do not want my kiss, of course, I will do it sounds very geli~~~
Lol~~~

That day also will be YY's birthday, I think KM will sing to her too??
Then maybe I should look aside or go out as soon as the PBL ends.
Lyn may not be here this weekend.

Then we went to the meeting room, I chose a seat, and he followed me and he sat beside me.
There was a very very safe distance between me and him, huge gap!!!
And I again has the hallucination that he always looks at me when there are chances??!!
And he did some silly actions like pinching his own face and did some sounds, or making noises with his finger joints.
I looked at him and turned back and smile when he did the cute action, I am not sure he saw that or not.
While when he did the joint sound, Lyn looked at him and smile, while me amused by their interaction, actually I wanted to create something between them *make them feel something between them*...
Lol~~

I love to sit beside him, cause I can hear his voice clearly, softly, like he is whispering beside me...
Lol~~~~

I am thinking that, if there are situation that we have to stay alone together, there will be no awkward feeling if we keep silence, but if we start talking, then we will not look at each other.
I prefer if we just hold hands and look to opposite directions, it will be so sweet.
It will be so puppy love!!!

And actually what he did now is kind of puppy love...
He said he wants to make it slow.
He sang for me.
He said sorry via singing.
He told me what he think via his singing.
He sang he loves me and I think he hopes to hear me sing it out too, that's why we sang duet with interruption...

If for a guy like him, will he sing sensitive song with a girl who he knew that she likes him very much?
And showed me that he was bothered by they all who matched him and Lyn, made things went wrong.
I can see he minds it much.

Hahahaaa, imagination again.

Then we went to the lab and looked at the procedures and equipment, it is fun!!!
It had been long time we did not spent time to learn together...
I cherished this opportunity very much.
I looked at him, his curious face, and his efforts to come close to me.
And he teased on my height again when I can not squeeze in the crowd.
He purposely showed his height and looked down to me. *He is tall.*

And I saw him learned the hands, forearms and arms waving techniques in the dance of the video I uploaded.
And sudden sudden he will dance the lift part of Gangnam style, the face really =.=

And when the session ended, he said goodbye to his friend, Wann...
I am no longer the person who say Bye Bye to him...

Songs

I serached all the songs he sang before, of course I missed some songs that I didnt record them...

I love his voice more than the original singers!!!!!

Love

Prince said that I really hope for a lover...
And he said when I found good guy, bring him to him, lol~~
I love Prince very much!!!

Haiz, he said there are some left over good guy in this world, but I am not sure that can I get one.
Maybe he sensed that I changed already >.<

No, no, no!!!!

I will maintain myself as wise as possible, I will not downgrade my requirements!!!

Normal

Today we attended to PBL, I sat on his seat, because I felt cold and can not stand the air-cond. Initially I sat beside Amu, but the doctor came in and sat there and too near to me.
So I shifted to his seat cause he still not yet there.
And when he came, he felt weird but he responded quite fast, and he just sat down.
While in discussion, I found out a few times he looked at me.
Sometimes he hided, sometimes he was not, but most of the time actually he looked at Lyn.
Lol~~~

So, my imagination again.

While nowadays he always push me to answer the questions and explain in the discussion. T.T
I really do not know what to say. T.T

So when the PBL ended, he opened the marshmallow and ate it like he showed me he ate that.
It is very sweet, and did he know it is the feeling when I saw him??
And I really hope that I can look at him while he ate that, like he can feel what I feel.
But his sight was too straight to me that I can not look at him uninterrupted.

Hahaha, too much!!! *Geli*

Actually I thought he will just push the marshmallow away or give it to others, like Lyn...
Then saying that he will not simply eat something unknown source and something sweet.
And in reality it came out with he ate that in front of me. >.<
And he actually appreciate it cause it is sweet, he is hungry, and it can fill his stomach.

Then he told others that he was very hungry and was in rush for lunch.
He will never lunch with us again.
And this sentence came out from Lyn to the others members in PBL.
Actually they are MY and YY, which are his admirers too.

Yesterday, when I had menstrual clamp, I wished to sleep and it was difficult to fall asleep.
I opened the songs and heard his singing, his voices are comforting me.
I think I should record it more, why did I feel shy when Lyn and Amu were on the car, until made me not brave enough to take out my camera and recorded it??
 He made it so obvious when we finished visiting house and he drove so slow just to sing to me.
T.T


I want more!!!

*All my friends know Ah Yik's story and all feel that he is realistic and unsincere, lol~~*

Peeking

I think my natural instinct will not be wrong.

I found some evidences accidentally when I watched the photos.

 

 

He was looking at me, I am sure.
Actually that was the time I waited for him to take photo.
I knew he was looking that many guys came and asked to take photos with me.

This guy, I am not sure if he was looking at me or not.
I might be chatting with Calvin or Wann.
I might be taking photos...
But I had the feeling that he was peeking at me once I looked at this photo...

How deep is your love?

I know your eyes in the morning sun
I feel you touch me in the pouring rain
And the moment that you wander far from me
I wanna feel you in my arms again

And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love and then softly leave
And it's me you need to show

Chorus:
How deep is your love
I really need to learn
Cause were living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

I believe in you
You know the door to my very soul
Youre the light in my deepest darkest hour
Youre my saviour when I fall
And you may not think
I care for you
When you know down inside
That I really do
And it's me you need to show

Photography of EM

I took his photos ^.^

 He was standing beside his date, and now I know this is where he transferred her to the front table.

While this is him as an emcee.

He was discussing something beside me when I was at Jo's table, that's why I said he always find chance to come near me >.<
And he knew I took his photo.
And I think he allowed it and actually hope for it.

With his date, he danced and had fun.

 Hmmm, not focus on his date during dancing???

When they acted for the proposal.

Not well focused T.T

 

 When he is talked, his look~

 His back, which I looked the most.

 Another one.

My photos

After Prom~

 

Hehehehe~~~